1 00:02:11,969 --> 00:02:15,882 That's Gene Krupa on the drums, folks. And if you believe that... 2 00:02:16,049 --> 00:02:20,167 No, that's yours truly on the skins. Sometimes wish I was Gene Krupa. 3 00:02:20,809 --> 00:02:24,643 - I think I was born in a different era. - Robert Crane. Robert... 4 00:02:24,809 --> 00:02:25,649 Enough! This is KNX-CBS, 1070 on the AM dial, 93.1 on the FM dial. 5 00:02:25,649 --> 00:02:30,928 Enough! This is KNX-CBS, 1070 on the AM dial, 93.1 on the FM dial. 6 00:02:31,089 --> 00:02:35,321 It is beautiful in Hollywood, they tell me. 72 degrees outside... 7 00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:37,525 ...9:25 on the KNX clock... 8 00:02:37,689 --> 00:02:40,761 Yes, Jack! I know! I'll get to him. 9 00:02:40,929 --> 00:02:44,046 That's Jackie Chapman, our engineer, knocking. 10 00:02:44,209 --> 00:02:47,565 Jack will be appearing later today at the Ralphs market... 11 00:02:47,729 --> 00:02:50,766 ...in the fresh fruit section, if I'm not mistaken. 12 00:02:51,449 --> 00:02:53,440 As regular listeners know, from time to time... 13 00:02:53,609 --> 00:02:57,284 ...we have special guests, and today, somebody truly special. 14 00:02:57,489 --> 00:03:01,004 Mr. Clayton Moore, the Lone Ranger, right over here! 15 00:03:01,169 --> 00:03:03,558 And I've always wanted to do this with you... 16 00:03:03,849 --> 00:03:08,161 - Hi-yo, Silver. Away! - I never get tired of that. 17 00:03:08,329 --> 00:03:11,241 Do people recognize you when you're out in public? 18 00:03:11,409 --> 00:03:12,888 No. No, not really. 19 00:03:13,089 --> 00:03:16,001 Can we get you to expose yourself today on radio? 20 00:03:16,169 --> 00:03:19,605 - Mask off? Reveal your identity? - For you, Bob, sure. 21 00:03:19,809 --> 00:03:23,722 Coming up next, a KNX first. We've got the Lone Ranger, and he's naked! 22 00:03:24,369 --> 00:03:26,644 - Don't tell Tonto. - No, of course not. 23 00:03:26,849 --> 00:03:30,319 First, a word from our sponsor, Lucky Strike cigarettes. 24 00:03:42,769 --> 00:03:45,158 I always wanted to make an impression. 25 00:03:45,329 --> 00:03:48,207 You know the type. There's one in every class. 26 00:03:48,369 --> 00:03:52,999 The cutup. Eddie Cantor once told me like ability is 90% of the battle... 27 00:03:53,169 --> 00:03:57,082 ...and he was right. Well, that's me. 28 00:03:57,609 --> 00:04:00,646 I'm a likable guy. 29 00:04:03,249 --> 00:04:04,523 Bob, sit! 30 00:04:05,929 --> 00:04:08,045 Please? 31 00:04:08,209 --> 00:04:10,643 I'm emceeing a lunch in an hour. 32 00:04:10,809 --> 00:04:12,527 Humour me. 33 00:04:12,689 --> 00:04:15,999 - Those the contracts I need to sign? - Sit! 34 00:04:19,369 --> 00:04:22,167 Your ears would've been burning this morning. 35 00:04:22,689 --> 00:04:25,487 I had breakfast with the boys from CBS. 36 00:04:25,649 --> 00:04:27,367 Got something very interesting. 37 00:04:27,529 --> 00:04:30,043 This could be what you're looking for. 38 00:04:31,049 --> 00:04:32,721 - What? - A television series! 39 00:04:32,889 --> 00:04:36,677 - Goodbye, Lenny. - Listen to me. Stop running, will you? 40 00:04:36,889 --> 00:04:39,722 I thought you were gonna get me a Jack Lemmon role. 41 00:04:39,929 --> 00:04:44,286 A feature. It's a critical time for me. I need something big. 42 00:04:44,449 --> 00:04:46,007 I can be Jack Lemmon. 43 00:04:46,209 --> 00:04:48,803 You are Jack Lemmon. And Jack Benny. 44 00:04:49,009 --> 00:04:51,079 - Then get me a role. - That's what this is! 45 00:04:51,249 --> 00:04:54,605 Lemmon and Benny combined. They want you for the lead. 46 00:04:54,769 --> 00:04:57,329 Just promise me you'll keep an open mind. 47 00:04:57,489 --> 00:04:59,525 You ready? 48 00:05:00,049 --> 00:05:02,438 It's set in a German prison camp. 49 00:05:04,449 --> 00:05:07,282 - It's a drama? - No! That... It's a comedy. 50 00:05:08,049 --> 00:05:09,960 Oh, with the funny Nazis. 51 00:05:11,889 --> 00:05:15,279 - It's a POW camp. - With a laugh track? 52 00:05:15,449 --> 00:05:19,761 Hey. This is first-class all the way, my friend. 53 00:05:21,449 --> 00:05:23,519 Bing Crosby Productions doing it. 54 00:05:23,689 --> 00:05:26,123 Sounds like it could be a career-killer. 55 00:05:33,729 --> 00:05:34,923 Just read it? 56 00:05:37,249 --> 00:05:42,767 He suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died and was buried. 57 00:05:42,929 --> 00:05:46,763 He descended to the dead. On the third day, he rose again. 58 00:05:46,969 --> 00:05:51,599 He ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of the Father. 59 00:05:51,769 --> 00:05:56,559 He will come again to judge the living and the dead. 60 00:05:56,809 --> 00:06:00,165 - You need a little bit of this. - There you go, Bobby. 61 00:06:01,009 --> 00:06:04,206 I think it's perfect for me. I mean this character, Hogan... 62 00:06:04,369 --> 00:06:07,805 ...he's quick on his toes, he's hip, he's a con artist. 63 00:06:07,969 --> 00:06:10,722 I think it's what I've been working toward my whole career. 64 00:06:10,929 --> 00:06:13,762 You've been working towards Holocaust comedy? 65 00:06:13,929 --> 00:06:17,478 - Anne! - What, Bob? 66 00:06:29,169 --> 00:06:31,729 Not in front of the children. They look up to me. 67 00:06:31,889 --> 00:06:34,801 They're small. They look up to everyone. 68 00:06:35,569 --> 00:06:39,482 - That's funny. I gotta use that. - Bob, for 15 years... 69 00:06:39,649 --> 00:06:43,881 ...l've followed you from job to job. I'm your number one supporter. 70 00:06:44,049 --> 00:06:47,519 I believe in you. But you expect me to keep quiet when I see you... 71 00:06:47,689 --> 00:06:51,238 ...about to do something that could ruin your career? 72 00:07:06,449 --> 00:07:08,087 No, not me! Oh, no! 73 00:07:11,089 --> 00:07:13,000 Help! Help! 74 00:07:13,169 --> 00:07:14,761 Those are the right words... 75 00:07:14,929 --> 00:07:17,807 All right, honey. You're right. 76 00:07:17,969 --> 00:07:19,288 Family comes first. 77 00:07:19,489 --> 00:07:22,686 I guess it's more important than some TV show. 78 00:07:22,849 --> 00:07:24,407 You really like the script? 79 00:07:24,569 --> 00:07:27,402 It runs circles around the other stuff I've been offered. 80 00:07:27,569 --> 00:07:28,763 I know. 81 00:07:28,929 --> 00:07:30,248 I read it. 82 00:07:30,409 --> 00:07:32,365 You did? 83 00:07:34,769 --> 00:07:36,805 It's funny. 84 00:07:37,409 --> 00:07:40,003 Are you saying what I think you're saying? 85 00:07:41,729 --> 00:07:44,118 You'll quit KNX? 86 00:07:44,369 --> 00:07:47,725 First I'll do both, like we did on Donna Reed, but if it works... 87 00:07:47,889 --> 00:07:49,607 Well, Donna Reed was part-time. 88 00:07:49,769 --> 00:07:52,841 I just hope I can pull it off. Hogan's in almost every scene. 89 00:07:53,009 --> 00:07:57,719 You worry. You always worry, but in the end you succeed. 90 00:07:57,889 --> 00:07:59,766 Easy for you to say. 91 00:08:04,449 --> 00:08:07,919 Hello, Henry. Now, we're all professionals here. 92 00:08:08,089 --> 00:08:11,525 You've all been working on your characters, each with his own slant. 93 00:08:11,729 --> 00:08:14,038 We have to keep in mind this is a gang comedy. 94 00:08:14,209 --> 00:08:17,645 It's funny to the extent the gang is funny. Like an athletic team. 95 00:08:17,809 --> 00:08:20,277 A great quarterback without his offensive line... 96 00:08:20,449 --> 00:08:21,848 ...ain't gonna complete a pass. 97 00:08:22,009 --> 00:08:24,045 Did you hear about the Greek quarterback... 98 00:08:24,209 --> 00:08:26,245 ...who hated to leave his buddies behind? 99 00:08:27,649 --> 00:08:29,480 I think we get the point. 100 00:08:30,009 --> 00:08:32,523 Let's pick up with Klink and Hogan. 101 00:08:32,729 --> 00:08:35,721 The great disciplinarian... 102 00:08:35,889 --> 00:08:39,564 ...knows when to reward and when to punish. 103 00:08:39,729 --> 00:08:43,244 Now, my leniency is a legend, right? 104 00:08:43,409 --> 00:08:46,606 Wrong. You've got a reputation to uphold, colonel. 105 00:08:46,769 --> 00:08:49,567 You know that. I mean, you're running the most brutal... 106 00:08:49,729 --> 00:08:51,242 ...prison camp in all of Germany! 107 00:08:51,449 --> 00:08:52,438 Okay. 108 00:08:52,609 --> 00:08:55,567 Let's back up. Bob, don't try so hard. 109 00:08:55,729 --> 00:08:58,243 You're the hero of the show. It's named after you. 110 00:08:58,409 --> 00:09:02,243 And heroes don't try and be heroes, they simply are. Okay? 111 00:09:02,409 --> 00:09:04,206 Let's do it again. Same place. 112 00:09:04,369 --> 00:09:07,247 The great disciplinarian knows... 113 00:09:07,449 --> 00:09:11,522 - when to reward and when to punish. Now, my leniency is a legend, right? 114 00:09:11,729 --> 00:09:13,321 - Wrong. - What do you mean? 115 00:09:13,489 --> 00:09:15,878 You've got a reputation to uphold, colonel. 116 00:09:16,089 --> 00:09:18,922 You are running the most brutal prison camp in all of Germany. 117 00:09:19,089 --> 00:09:21,000 - I am? - In the world! You're ranked third... 118 00:09:21,169 --> 00:09:23,239 ...behind Devil's Island and Alcatraz. - Good. 119 00:09:23,409 --> 00:09:25,161 And you're the toughest Kommandant. 120 00:09:25,329 --> 00:09:29,641 In the last war it was "Kill the Kaiser." Today it's "Kill Klink." 121 00:09:29,809 --> 00:09:33,597 "Kill Klink." I like that. 122 00:09:48,929 --> 00:09:51,568 Mel Rosen. I do a little radio show out of the Quad Cities. 123 00:09:51,729 --> 00:09:54,084 I've actually heard good things about that. 124 00:09:54,249 --> 00:09:57,605 - Coming from you, that's high praise. - You gotta give me a tape for that. 125 00:09:57,769 --> 00:09:59,885 - Something to drink? - A grapefruit juice. 126 00:10:00,049 --> 00:10:03,359 - With vodka? - No, straight. Last of the straight men. 127 00:10:03,529 --> 00:10:05,838 I'll have another Tom Collins. 128 00:10:06,009 --> 00:10:09,479 Doing a show on the new TV season. Never pass up one of these junkets. 129 00:10:09,649 --> 00:10:12,527 - Well, I'm with you there. - So this new show... 130 00:10:12,689 --> 00:10:14,566 I loved you on Donna Reed, by the way. 131 00:10:14,729 --> 00:10:17,038 It's set in a concentration camp. A comedy? 132 00:10:17,209 --> 00:10:18,927 Prisoner of war camp. 133 00:10:19,089 --> 00:10:23,560 Yeah, it's got all your typical comedy elements: Gestapo, police dogs. 134 00:10:23,729 --> 00:10:25,560 So I guess if you liked World War II... 135 00:10:25,729 --> 00:10:28,846 ...you're gonna love Hogan's Heroes. 136 00:10:30,849 --> 00:10:35,047 - No, let's not... - Actually, I got what I want. 137 00:10:35,209 --> 00:10:38,519 Mel, what...? I thought you were a fellow entertainer. 138 00:10:38,689 --> 00:10:40,839 I'm also a Jew. 139 00:10:41,489 --> 00:10:43,605 It's the same thing. 140 00:10:57,409 --> 00:10:58,398 Thank you. 141 00:10:58,569 --> 00:11:00,560 Are one of those for me? 142 00:11:00,729 --> 00:11:03,402 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 143 00:11:04,209 --> 00:11:05,961 Bob! Look what I found. 144 00:11:06,129 --> 00:11:07,847 - Hiya. - Hiya. 145 00:11:08,009 --> 00:11:12,685 This TV reviewer, he just... I don't mean to offend anybody. 146 00:11:12,849 --> 00:11:14,601 Forget it. Do you see this spread? 147 00:11:14,769 --> 00:11:16,680 Yeah, I gotta hand it to CBS. 148 00:11:16,849 --> 00:11:18,282 They did it for one reason: 149 00:11:18,449 --> 00:11:22,124 The affiliates have seen the pilot. They love it. 150 00:11:22,289 --> 00:11:25,964 - You play Hogan, don't you? - I sure do. You want an autograph? 151 00:11:26,129 --> 00:11:29,007 - I've got autographs. - Darling, you just stop that. 152 00:11:29,169 --> 00:11:31,080 Mr. Crane is a happily married man. 153 00:11:31,249 --> 00:11:36,164 You wanted to see my room, right? It's right this way. 154 00:11:38,729 --> 00:11:42,881 Did you catch the radio show this morning? Guess who was on. 155 00:11:43,529 --> 00:11:46,885 Were you listening? Johnny Winters. 156 00:11:47,249 --> 00:11:50,764 I swear, he's gotta be the funniest human being ever born. 157 00:11:52,169 --> 00:11:53,807 Honey? 158 00:12:00,249 --> 00:12:02,046 What's wrong? 159 00:12:08,649 --> 00:12:12,358 Why do we have shady magazines hidden in our garage? 160 00:12:13,969 --> 00:12:16,483 Those? Those are... 161 00:12:16,649 --> 00:12:20,642 - You know, photography magazines. - Gent? Caught? 162 00:12:21,809 --> 00:12:24,369 I'm a photo nut, Annie, so... 163 00:12:24,529 --> 00:12:27,407 Nature Girls 1965? 164 00:12:29,489 --> 00:12:31,525 They're harmless. 165 00:12:32,489 --> 00:12:35,606 - No wonder you never look at me. - Would you stop that? 166 00:12:35,769 --> 00:12:41,526 Listen, I'm out the door every morning at 5:30. I'm not home until after dark. 167 00:12:41,689 --> 00:12:44,123 You see how hard I'm working? 168 00:12:45,969 --> 00:12:50,679 - Are you seeing another woman? - Absolutely not. 169 00:12:52,569 --> 00:12:55,083 I want those magazines out of the house. 170 00:12:55,249 --> 00:12:58,286 Yeah, I'll throw them away. 171 00:12:58,449 --> 00:13:02,601 - I've seen them before. I just ignored it. - All right, I get the message. 172 00:13:02,769 --> 00:13:06,159 Bad enough I've gotta hide them like some teenager. 173 00:13:06,329 --> 00:13:08,126 Well, what did you have in mind? 174 00:13:08,289 --> 00:13:10,928 Putting them on the coffee table for our guests to see? 175 00:13:11,089 --> 00:13:12,647 I apologize. 176 00:13:12,809 --> 00:13:16,518 - Maybe we should see Father Donnelly. - No, it's our business. 177 00:13:16,689 --> 00:13:19,408 Family business. We'll keep it at home. 178 00:13:19,569 --> 00:13:23,244 You're never home. I just thought when you started shooting Hogan's... 179 00:13:23,409 --> 00:13:29,041 ...that this would change things. - It will, darling. Trust me. It will. 180 00:13:30,649 --> 00:13:33,607 Hogan's Heroes premiered September 17, 1965... 181 00:13:33,769 --> 00:13:35,600 ...8:30 on Friday night. 182 00:13:35,769 --> 00:13:37,964 When the Nielsen ratings were released... 183 00:13:38,129 --> 00:13:41,644 ...Hogan's, out of 98 prime-time shows, finished number five. 184 00:13:41,809 --> 00:13:44,369 Of the new shows, it was number one. 185 00:13:44,529 --> 00:13:46,918 I've always had an extraordinary amount of luck. 186 00:13:47,089 --> 00:13:49,239 Being in the right place at the right time. 187 00:13:49,409 --> 00:13:52,958 There was some controversy the first few months, but it died away. 188 00:13:53,129 --> 00:13:55,882 Mondays we blocked the show. Tuesdays we did exteriors. 189 00:13:56,049 --> 00:13:58,438 Wednesdays and Thursdays we did interiors. 190 00:13:58,609 --> 00:14:01,487 Friday we'd have a table reading of the next week's script. 191 00:14:01,649 --> 00:14:04,959 Weekends we called each other and went over everything. I loved it. 192 00:14:05,129 --> 00:14:09,407 Give me a vacation, and three days later I'm going crazy. 193 00:14:12,329 --> 00:14:13,728 Not another power outage. 194 00:14:13,889 --> 00:14:17,165 No, sir. I'm installing Richard's new high-fidelity unit. 195 00:14:17,329 --> 00:14:20,560 - In his trailer here? - I can wire anything. 196 00:14:20,729 --> 00:14:23,402 - Yeah? - You got a second? 197 00:14:23,569 --> 00:14:25,799 Let me show you something. 198 00:14:30,289 --> 00:14:32,723 I designed this myself. Listen. 199 00:14:38,769 --> 00:14:40,361 Pretty groovy, huh? 200 00:14:41,289 --> 00:14:44,361 - I'm Bob Crane. - John. John Carpenter. 201 00:14:53,609 --> 00:14:56,077 Well, I've never been much into hi-fi. 202 00:14:56,249 --> 00:14:58,717 - Photography's always been my thing. - I'm with you. 203 00:14:58,889 --> 00:15:01,483 If you like photography, you'll love VTRs. 204 00:15:01,649 --> 00:15:03,526 - "VTRs"? - Videotape recorders. 205 00:15:03,689 --> 00:15:08,843 Magnetic coding, like audio tape. Same principle, only with pictures. 206 00:15:09,009 --> 00:15:12,126 Sony, Ampex, Panasonic, they're all developing VTRs. 207 00:15:12,289 --> 00:15:14,928 - Hi, Bob. - Hey, Robert. So this is like your...? 208 00:15:15,089 --> 00:15:17,683 I sort of freelance. I work with Sonycom from Japan... 209 00:15:17,849 --> 00:15:20,682 ...helping them introduce helical-scan VTRs. 210 00:15:20,849 --> 00:15:23,488 I sold Dawson the third VTR in the U.S. 211 00:15:23,649 --> 00:15:27,244 - Sold one to LBJ, Elvis. - Yeah? 212 00:15:27,409 --> 00:15:31,038 Showed him how to use it. Nice cat. 213 00:15:31,729 --> 00:15:33,799 Back in 15 minutes, Bob. 214 00:15:33,969 --> 00:15:36,688 Shoot, gotta run. 215 00:15:36,849 --> 00:15:38,680 - Nice meeting you. - All right. 216 00:15:38,849 --> 00:15:40,601 Carpenter. 217 00:15:41,889 --> 00:15:44,357 - "FBI." - Full-blooded Indian. 218 00:15:44,529 --> 00:15:50,445 Well, actually, half-blooded. Here, take my card. 219 00:15:50,609 --> 00:15:53,123 Dawson and I are hooking up over at Salome's later... 220 00:15:53,289 --> 00:15:55,439 ...if you want to come and join us. 221 00:15:55,609 --> 00:15:59,568 - I actually prom... - You'd like it. It's a nice joint. 222 00:15:59,729 --> 00:16:01,959 - House band. Strippers. - Well... 223 00:16:02,129 --> 00:16:04,120 Hey, mate. How's it coming? 224 00:16:04,289 --> 00:16:07,361 You're all set up, big daddy. Eight watts of pumping power. 225 00:16:07,529 --> 00:16:12,319 Hear that? I just got the best bloody hi-fi on this lot. 226 00:16:13,009 --> 00:16:14,761 I gotta run. 227 00:16:14,929 --> 00:16:16,567 Salome's. 228 00:16:46,129 --> 00:16:49,326 - Colonel! How's it hanging? - Can't complain. 229 00:16:49,489 --> 00:16:51,241 Glad you could make it. 230 00:16:51,409 --> 00:16:54,845 Richard. I brought you a call sheet for tomorrow. 231 00:16:55,009 --> 00:16:59,241 I already got one. Let me get you something to drink. 232 00:17:00,209 --> 00:17:05,044 - I'll have a grapefruit juice. - Come on, Bob, don't be such a prick. 233 00:17:08,369 --> 00:17:10,007 Miss Kitty. 234 00:17:19,609 --> 00:17:23,204 Miss Kitty! Let's give her a big Hollywood hand, ladies and gentlemen. 235 00:17:28,089 --> 00:17:31,081 We'll take a break, let the band drain their nozzles... 236 00:17:31,249 --> 00:17:33,717 ...so be right back. 237 00:17:37,169 --> 00:17:39,603 Terrific dancer, baby. 238 00:17:43,369 --> 00:17:46,008 I love what you do. 239 00:17:48,009 --> 00:17:50,569 - Colonel Hogan? - Can we help you? 240 00:17:50,729 --> 00:17:53,801 - You want an autograph? - Yeah, sure, thanks. Okay. 241 00:17:53,969 --> 00:17:57,086 My name's Nickie D. I'm the drummer here. 242 00:17:57,249 --> 00:18:00,844 You're on that show too, aren't you? You play the British guy. 243 00:18:02,129 --> 00:18:06,247 I used to listen to your show every morning back when I had a real job. 244 00:18:06,409 --> 00:18:09,162 Was that really you playing the drums on the radio? 245 00:18:09,329 --> 00:18:13,686 - Sure it was. You think I was faking? - You did a lot of kidding. 246 00:18:14,649 --> 00:18:16,480 Not about that. 247 00:18:17,969 --> 00:18:20,119 You want to sit in? 248 00:18:21,289 --> 00:18:23,405 As a special treat, sitting in on drums... 249 00:18:23,569 --> 00:18:27,847 ...Colonel Robert Hogan from the hit TV series Hogan's Heroes, Bob Crane! 250 00:18:28,409 --> 00:18:30,843 Come on, let's hear it! 251 00:18:31,409 --> 00:18:34,446 Kommandant, bring out the little strudel. What do you say? 252 00:18:34,609 --> 00:18:36,679 Come on! Angela, from Lubbock! 253 00:18:59,809 --> 00:19:03,245 Thanks for meeting me like this, Father. It must seem unusual. 254 00:19:03,409 --> 00:19:05,365 Not at all. We haven't seen you in a while. 255 00:19:05,529 --> 00:19:08,566 I'm sorry. I'll be at Mass tomorrow with Anne and the kids. 256 00:19:08,729 --> 00:19:10,959 This TV show, you wouldn't believe the hours. 257 00:19:11,129 --> 00:19:12,687 Don't be so hard on yourself. 258 00:19:12,849 --> 00:19:17,479 Everybody's life has its unique demands. I'm glad you called. 259 00:19:19,169 --> 00:19:22,923 - Thank you. - So, what's on your mind? 260 00:19:23,089 --> 00:19:25,683 Just the show, you know. We work late. 261 00:19:26,289 --> 00:19:29,645 When you get off, you're all sort of jazzed up. 262 00:19:29,809 --> 00:19:33,848 So I've been playing my drums, you know, just to sort of wind down. 263 00:19:34,009 --> 00:19:36,762 I've been playing at various, you know... 264 00:19:36,929 --> 00:19:38,840 ...strip clubs. 265 00:19:39,009 --> 00:19:40,601 Joints. 266 00:19:44,489 --> 00:19:47,879 Would you be more comfortable in the confessional? 267 00:19:49,009 --> 00:19:51,079 Just wanted to talk. 268 00:19:51,849 --> 00:19:54,921 Of course. Of course. So does Anne know? 269 00:19:55,089 --> 00:19:57,603 About the clubs? No. 270 00:19:57,769 --> 00:20:01,318 No, but I think it's obvious I've been... 271 00:20:01,489 --> 00:20:02,922 I can't believe it! 272 00:20:03,089 --> 00:20:04,841 ...coming home later. 273 00:20:06,649 --> 00:20:08,287 Mr. Crane, I am such a fan. 274 00:20:08,449 --> 00:20:11,441 - I just wondered, could l...? - A picture together? You bet. 275 00:20:11,609 --> 00:20:13,201 And your name is? 276 00:20:13,369 --> 00:20:15,564 - Oh, I forgot. - You forgot your name? 277 00:20:15,729 --> 00:20:18,084 - Not that. Julie. - Julie, all right. 278 00:20:18,249 --> 00:20:20,888 Right over here. "Schmile." 279 00:20:22,929 --> 00:20:24,487 - There you go. - Thank you. 280 00:20:24,649 --> 00:20:26,446 Okay. Thank you. 281 00:20:29,489 --> 00:20:31,878 Sorry about that, Father. 282 00:20:32,049 --> 00:20:33,641 Where were we? 283 00:20:35,129 --> 00:20:36,847 You and Anne. 284 00:20:39,569 --> 00:20:42,925 It's not easy to resist temptation. 285 00:20:43,089 --> 00:20:47,082 One has to remove oneself from the occasion of sin. 286 00:20:47,249 --> 00:20:49,319 You can't keep... 287 00:20:50,849 --> 00:20:55,559 Listen. I know several musicians. We play from time to time. 288 00:20:55,729 --> 00:20:58,243 I'm no Bill Evans, but I can keep up on keyboard. 289 00:20:58,409 --> 00:21:02,163 Maybe we should play together sometime. 290 00:21:04,209 --> 00:21:05,847 After work. 291 00:21:06,009 --> 00:21:08,569 Thank you. Yeah, that's... 292 00:21:09,729 --> 00:21:11,685 It's a good idea. 293 00:22:03,369 --> 00:22:05,564 - I love what you do. - Thank you. 294 00:22:05,729 --> 00:22:08,562 Bob? Bob. 295 00:22:10,129 --> 00:22:12,085 That was great. 296 00:22:13,209 --> 00:22:15,677 You don't remember, do you? 297 00:22:16,409 --> 00:22:18,923 I'll give you a hint. 298 00:22:23,089 --> 00:22:25,284 - Carpenter. John Carpenter. - Right. 299 00:22:25,449 --> 00:22:27,758 - How are they hanging? - Pretty tight, my man. 300 00:22:27,929 --> 00:22:30,568 I've been looking for you. This is John Carpenter. 301 00:22:30,729 --> 00:22:33,323 He's like the James Bond of video nuts. 302 00:22:33,489 --> 00:22:37,323 Anybody wants the new stuff, they gotta talk to him. This is Elaine. 303 00:22:37,489 --> 00:22:39,923 - What a pretty name. - Thank you. 304 00:22:40,089 --> 00:22:42,603 - And Emily. - Pleasure. 305 00:22:42,769 --> 00:22:46,239 So, what's happening? Where's the action tonight? 306 00:22:46,409 --> 00:22:49,719 We were talking about grabbing a bite to eat over at Arthur J's. 307 00:22:49,889 --> 00:22:52,244 No, no, no, let's go to my pad. 308 00:22:52,409 --> 00:22:56,721 You wouldn't believe this new equipment they sent me. It'll blow your mind. 309 00:22:56,889 --> 00:23:00,802 Light hits this layer and stores a charged density pattern on it... 310 00:23:00,969 --> 00:23:04,678 ...which is scanned with an electron beam. So the resulting signal... 311 00:23:04,849 --> 00:23:08,205 ...is sent by cable to where it's recorded on tape. 312 00:23:08,369 --> 00:23:11,918 The helical-scan method of the VTR issues proper magnetic coding... 313 00:23:12,089 --> 00:23:14,444 ...so picture quality is always secure. 314 00:23:15,729 --> 00:23:18,641 - I've never seen anything like this. - Of course not. 315 00:23:18,809 --> 00:23:21,846 That's the point. It's a prototype. 316 00:23:23,249 --> 00:23:26,400 - That stereo over there. - Yeah? 317 00:23:26,809 --> 00:23:30,438 - Does it play music? - Of course. 318 00:23:32,529 --> 00:23:35,168 - Tonight? - Of course. 319 00:23:35,329 --> 00:23:36,808 Do you got any jazz? 320 00:23:36,969 --> 00:23:39,199 - Name it. - You got Procol Harum? 321 00:23:39,369 --> 00:23:42,486 - I got Four Tops. - Close enough. 322 00:23:44,409 --> 00:23:46,127 Bob? 323 00:23:46,289 --> 00:23:50,328 You wanna freshen the girls' drinks? 324 00:23:51,529 --> 00:23:53,008 Bob. 325 00:24:02,489 --> 00:24:04,639 Which one do you want? 326 00:24:05,809 --> 00:24:08,960 - What do you mean? - These girls are ready to get it on. 327 00:24:09,129 --> 00:24:12,678 And you're the man, so I figure you get first choice. 328 00:24:14,289 --> 00:24:15,722 I don't really care. 329 00:24:15,889 --> 00:24:18,608 If it's all the same to you, I'll hit on the blond. 330 00:24:18,929 --> 00:24:20,681 Copasetic? 331 00:24:21,969 --> 00:24:23,925 Copasetic. 332 00:24:24,809 --> 00:24:26,606 They're beautiful, right? 333 00:24:27,249 --> 00:24:30,480 I'm gonna... I'll have another hit of that vodka. 334 00:24:45,529 --> 00:24:50,398 - Can I get you another drink? - I'm not done with this one yet. 335 00:24:53,009 --> 00:24:56,285 John tells me you used to be a Bunny. 336 00:24:58,169 --> 00:25:04,358 - Can you do the Bunny Dip? - Can I do the Bunny Dip? Watch this. 337 00:25:11,889 --> 00:25:16,167 - What's the matter? Don't you like me? - No, it's not that. 338 00:25:16,329 --> 00:25:18,126 I'm married. 339 00:25:18,889 --> 00:25:20,402 So am I. 340 00:25:23,329 --> 00:25:25,889 And I'm a one-woman man. 341 00:25:27,569 --> 00:25:30,129 Hogan, you crack me up. 342 00:25:30,289 --> 00:25:33,326 - No, it's... - Well, I'm not Colonel Klink... 343 00:25:33,489 --> 00:25:36,606 ...or that other dummk opf. What's his name? The fat one. 344 00:25:36,769 --> 00:25:39,647 You can't pull that crap on me. 345 00:25:46,729 --> 00:25:48,526 What's this? 346 00:25:48,689 --> 00:25:50,919 A prop, I suppose. 347 00:25:52,889 --> 00:25:54,607 What do you want? 348 00:25:54,769 --> 00:26:00,799 Colonel Hogan, I want you to nail me to the fucking wall. 349 00:26:04,609 --> 00:26:06,804 Whatever you want. 350 00:26:06,969 --> 00:26:08,766 Anything. 351 00:26:09,969 --> 00:26:12,403 Can we leave the lights on? 352 00:26:17,489 --> 00:26:22,609 - Danke for the stockings, colonel. - Don't tell anybody there's a war on. 353 00:26:31,449 --> 00:26:35,237 Herr Kommandant, Colonel Hogan to see you. 354 00:26:35,409 --> 00:26:38,446 The second season, Cynthia Lynn, who played Helga... 355 00:26:38,609 --> 00:26:42,124 ...was replaced by Patti Olsen, screen name Sigrid Valdis. 356 00:26:42,289 --> 00:26:44,803 The character's name was Hilda. 357 00:26:44,969 --> 00:26:48,848 Herr Kommandant, Colonel Hogan to see you. 358 00:26:49,009 --> 00:26:50,920 Kommandant, you wanted to see me? 359 00:26:51,089 --> 00:26:54,604 Yes, Hogan, I have a very serious matter to discuss with you. 360 00:26:54,769 --> 00:26:57,158 I know everything that happened last night. 361 00:26:57,329 --> 00:27:00,446 - You do? - You don't fool me for one moment. 362 00:27:00,609 --> 00:27:02,998 Well, I know that, sir. Cigar? 363 00:27:04,529 --> 00:27:06,759 Hogan! 364 00:27:07,249 --> 00:27:11,242 Cut! Terrific. All right, let's move on. 365 00:27:12,689 --> 00:27:14,759 - That was very nice. - Made me laugh. 366 00:27:14,929 --> 00:27:19,559 Jeff, what do you think? Let's swing around and do the other side? 367 00:27:21,169 --> 00:27:24,445 - Nervous? That was great. - I feel like a bad actress. 368 00:27:24,609 --> 00:27:27,442 - Oh, my gosh, it was so good. Really. - Thanks. 369 00:27:27,609 --> 00:27:29,565 Everyone's so nice. It's like a family. 370 00:27:29,729 --> 00:27:33,085 Yeah, well, it depends what kind of family you come from. 371 00:27:33,809 --> 00:27:37,085 - Okay, come on, come on. - Okay, you guys, you guys! 372 00:27:37,249 --> 00:27:40,047 - Okay, go. - All right. Okay. Cheese! 373 00:27:40,209 --> 00:27:45,647 Completing the second season, Hogan's was rated 17 th by the Nielsens. 374 00:27:50,969 --> 00:27:54,678 I'm Bob Crane's manager, and we're having a little party later... 375 00:27:54,849 --> 00:27:58,364 ...and I was wondering if you ladies would like to come. 376 00:27:58,529 --> 00:28:01,646 A party with Bob Crane? 377 00:28:01,809 --> 00:28:03,242 We'd love to. 378 00:28:05,249 --> 00:28:08,127 You know who I'm talking about. It's Klink's secretary. 379 00:28:08,289 --> 00:28:11,281 - Helga? - No, it's Hilda. 380 00:28:12,209 --> 00:28:15,963 - She's got real beauty. - Tighten up your pants? 381 00:28:16,129 --> 00:28:18,689 - Yeah, but she's special, you know? - They all are. 382 00:28:18,849 --> 00:28:21,124 She's real. Not uptight. You know what I mean? 383 00:28:21,289 --> 00:28:24,565 - Here they are, Big Daddy. - Quick, what are their names again? 384 00:28:24,729 --> 00:28:28,119 - Jill and Judy. - Jill and Judy. 385 00:28:28,689 --> 00:28:31,681 Chicks these days, it's like they throw out all the rules. 386 00:28:31,849 --> 00:28:33,567 I might be in love. Which is which? 387 00:28:33,729 --> 00:28:36,562 Jill's the blond, Judy's the other one. 388 00:28:36,729 --> 00:28:39,084 I'm going for the blond. 389 00:28:39,289 --> 00:28:42,247 Bob, I had her all set up. 390 00:28:44,849 --> 00:28:48,842 - I'm going for the blond. - Bob, I've been working on her. 391 00:28:49,009 --> 00:28:50,886 Brunette's not my type. 392 00:28:54,929 --> 00:28:56,999 I'm sure you'll make do. 393 00:28:57,809 --> 00:28:59,561 Come on. 394 00:29:00,689 --> 00:29:02,202 Okay. 395 00:29:03,049 --> 00:29:04,846 - Ladies! - Hey, how are you? 396 00:29:05,009 --> 00:29:06,681 - Hi. Jill, right? - Jill, yeah. 397 00:29:06,849 --> 00:29:08,282 - Jill, John. - Bob Crane. 398 00:29:08,449 --> 00:29:10,758 - Judy? - Yeah, Judy. Nice to meet you. 399 00:29:10,929 --> 00:29:12,442 Welcome. 400 00:29:12,609 --> 00:29:15,567 So this is the party? 401 00:29:16,609 --> 00:29:19,169 Colonel, apparently some of the new recruits... 402 00:29:19,329 --> 00:29:22,446 ...are complaining about the barracks again. 403 00:29:22,609 --> 00:29:24,122 Hogan! 404 00:29:25,889 --> 00:29:27,402 He does that just right. 405 00:29:28,569 --> 00:29:30,082 Yeah! 406 00:29:30,249 --> 00:29:34,686 You are so photogenic. 407 00:29:35,609 --> 00:29:38,282 That's great! That's great! 408 00:29:39,409 --> 00:29:41,969 I love that thing you do. 409 00:29:42,129 --> 00:29:44,120 Hold on, hold on. I gotta get that. 410 00:29:44,289 --> 00:29:48,680 - Take it off! Take it off! - Fabulous. Set those puppies free. 411 00:29:51,329 --> 00:29:53,479 - That's great. - Go, Jill! 412 00:29:53,649 --> 00:29:56,527 Carpy, more film! 413 00:29:57,129 --> 00:30:00,485 That's fabulous. That's fabulous. Really. 414 00:30:05,009 --> 00:30:06,920 I didn't even know this thing was on. 415 00:30:07,089 --> 00:30:09,398 I didn't want to freak you. Give you... 416 00:30:09,569 --> 00:30:13,687 - What, performance anxiety. - I do my best work in front of a camera. 417 00:30:13,849 --> 00:30:17,842 - I do mine behind. - This is fabulous. 418 00:30:18,009 --> 00:30:19,761 Where have you been all my life? 419 00:30:19,929 --> 00:30:21,999 You do this for Dawson? 420 00:30:22,609 --> 00:30:24,247 You don't like him, do you? 421 00:30:26,329 --> 00:30:29,287 He tried for the lead, it went to me, so he snips at me. 422 00:30:29,449 --> 00:30:33,158 Little Brit fag cracks. "Trouble with your lines, love?" 423 00:30:33,329 --> 00:30:35,718 You know, always trying to undercut me. 424 00:30:35,889 --> 00:30:37,800 Jesus, look at her go. 425 00:30:38,209 --> 00:30:40,928 You're gonna have to choose, Carp. 426 00:30:41,169 --> 00:30:43,729 - It's him or it's me. - Look, Bob. 427 00:30:43,889 --> 00:30:46,278 She's giving you head. 428 00:30:53,969 --> 00:30:56,608 We're gonna have to burn this tape. 429 00:30:59,289 --> 00:31:02,122 How much did you say one of these things costs? 430 00:31:03,089 --> 00:31:07,241 Flowers 3 times a week is one thing, but isn't this extravagant? 431 00:31:07,409 --> 00:31:09,559 Wait till you see it. 432 00:31:14,329 --> 00:31:17,401 - How does it work? - You gotta see this thing. Carpy. 433 00:31:18,769 --> 00:31:22,921 It doesn't bite. Just don't touch these wires right here. 434 00:31:23,089 --> 00:31:24,078 Okay. 435 00:31:27,129 --> 00:31:29,484 Carpy says, "Don't touch." 436 00:31:34,249 --> 00:31:36,922 Well, what will we do with it? 437 00:31:37,969 --> 00:31:39,721 Home movies. 438 00:31:39,889 --> 00:31:44,519 Smile! Come on, give me a smile. 439 00:31:44,689 --> 00:31:46,919 Everybody give me a wave. 440 00:31:47,089 --> 00:31:49,205 - I wanna get this side also. - Thank you. 441 00:31:49,369 --> 00:31:52,645 No, please. Bob! Come on, I'm washing the dishes. 442 00:31:52,809 --> 00:31:56,882 - I don't wanna be photographed. - Look at that dress. I love that, honey. 443 00:31:57,049 --> 00:32:01,645 All right, give me one more shot. Here we go. One, two, big dance! 444 00:32:03,689 --> 00:32:06,681 - Look at that. - This is amazing. 445 00:32:06,849 --> 00:32:09,647 - You just shot this today. - Yeah, it's not like film. 446 00:32:09,809 --> 00:32:11,959 With video, there's no film processing. 447 00:32:12,129 --> 00:32:15,087 We are light years ahead of everybody. 448 00:32:15,249 --> 00:32:19,800 Look at that. It's like the Polaroid of home movies. 449 00:32:27,289 --> 00:32:31,805 Herr Kommandant, Colonel Hogan to see you. 450 00:32:35,249 --> 00:32:38,366 Well, he did beat out a million other sperm. 451 00:32:38,529 --> 00:32:40,281 Think about that. 452 00:32:40,449 --> 00:32:42,804 - Guess it's kind of hard to fathom. - Yeah. 453 00:32:42,969 --> 00:32:48,168 - You're so easy to talk to. - It's because I speak English, Sigrid. 454 00:32:49,969 --> 00:32:51,880 - Call me Patricia. - Patricia. 455 00:32:52,049 --> 00:32:56,884 Sigrid is my stage name. To you, I'm Patricia. 456 00:32:59,649 --> 00:33:02,959 And what brought you back to L.A.? 457 00:33:04,689 --> 00:33:07,726 The usual things: A broken marriage. 458 00:33:07,889 --> 00:33:09,880 Cheers to that. 459 00:33:10,049 --> 00:33:12,688 Tired of being a housewife, you know? 460 00:33:12,849 --> 00:33:15,488 So you came back here where you can play one instead? 461 00:33:15,649 --> 00:33:17,480 Something like that. 462 00:33:17,649 --> 00:33:21,005 What about you, Hogan? What are your dreams? 463 00:33:22,409 --> 00:33:25,401 Besides drumming with Buddy Rich? 464 00:33:25,609 --> 00:33:30,364 I dream about finding somebody who gets me... 465 00:33:30,529 --> 00:33:32,121 ...who I am. 466 00:33:40,809 --> 00:33:43,243 We're in the show together. 467 00:33:43,409 --> 00:33:46,242 We have to keep up the appearance of respectability. 468 00:33:46,409 --> 00:33:49,242 I can be very respectable. 469 00:33:52,929 --> 00:33:55,124 You're not really hungry, are you? 470 00:34:00,089 --> 00:34:02,000 I'm gonna get the check. 471 00:34:02,169 --> 00:34:04,364 Yeah. 472 00:34:05,369 --> 00:34:07,485 We're a Christian publication, Mr. Crane. 473 00:34:07,649 --> 00:34:09,321 Please. It's Bob. 474 00:34:09,489 --> 00:34:13,323 So this is a little outside our normal terrain. We usually don't do... 475 00:34:13,489 --> 00:34:16,526 ...Hollywood interviews, what with the divorces and whatnot. 476 00:34:16,689 --> 00:34:20,204 - Sure. - That's why we're interested in you. 477 00:34:20,369 --> 00:34:24,885 You've been married to your high-school sweetheart for 16 years. 478 00:34:25,049 --> 00:34:28,041 - Fifteen, actually. - Fifteen years. 479 00:34:28,209 --> 00:34:30,279 How do you do it? What's your secret? 480 00:34:31,889 --> 00:34:33,607 Three words: 481 00:34:33,769 --> 00:34:38,684 Don't... make... waves. 482 00:34:38,849 --> 00:34:41,522 As every sailor knows, when one set of waves meets... 483 00:34:41,689 --> 00:34:44,920 ...another set of waves it can set up some chop. 484 00:34:45,089 --> 00:34:48,286 And when three sets of waves come together, it can make... 485 00:34:48,449 --> 00:34:50,599 ...for some mighty rough sailing. 486 00:34:50,769 --> 00:34:54,398 It also helps sometimes to have a harmless safety valve. 487 00:34:54,569 --> 00:34:58,767 Because when I get tense, I blow off steam. 488 00:34:59,129 --> 00:35:01,962 And so when it comes to my own family... 489 00:35:02,129 --> 00:35:04,927 ...I don't make waves. 490 00:35:05,089 --> 00:35:08,240 That's inspirational. You're a fortunate man. 491 00:35:08,409 --> 00:35:09,558 Yes. 492 00:35:11,249 --> 00:35:13,479 Yes, I am. 493 00:35:22,129 --> 00:35:24,848 - You want me to run lines with you? - No, I got it. 494 00:35:33,849 --> 00:35:35,885 Is there anything you want to talk about? 495 00:35:36,049 --> 00:35:37,482 About what? 496 00:35:37,649 --> 00:35:41,005 Neither of us has said anything, but we both know. 497 00:35:41,809 --> 00:35:43,003 Know what? 498 00:35:43,169 --> 00:35:46,366 - We never spend any time alone. - What do you call this? 499 00:35:46,529 --> 00:35:48,087 Tense. 500 00:35:48,569 --> 00:35:52,357 - Distant. - Oh, you're being ridiculous. 501 00:35:53,169 --> 00:35:54,682 Come on. 502 00:35:55,089 --> 00:35:59,765 I didn't mean that. I just think you're overreacting a little bit. 503 00:35:59,929 --> 00:36:02,284 It's been a while since we've done anything. 504 00:36:03,489 --> 00:36:06,606 Or has work sapped all your energy? 505 00:36:19,489 --> 00:36:21,923 My goodness, she was built. 506 00:36:23,049 --> 00:36:25,517 - Mindy. - Mandy. Mandy! 507 00:36:26,049 --> 00:36:27,721 We should name a ride after her. 508 00:36:27,889 --> 00:36:31,086 - Loop-de-Loop. - Tilt-A-Whirl. 509 00:36:31,249 --> 00:36:33,717 Watching these home movies gets me so damn hot. 510 00:36:33,889 --> 00:36:38,326 - They're videos, Bob. Videos. - I got a hard-on the size of Florida. 511 00:36:38,489 --> 00:36:40,684 - What was that? - What? 512 00:36:41,489 --> 00:36:42,922 Rewind the tape. 513 00:36:45,089 --> 00:36:46,363 Just rewind it. 514 00:36:51,089 --> 00:36:54,684 Okay. Okay, just play it from there. 515 00:36:54,849 --> 00:36:55,884 Play it right there. 516 00:36:56,049 --> 00:36:57,448 - What's that on my ass? - What? 517 00:36:57,609 --> 00:36:59,008 Freeze it. Can you do that? 518 00:36:59,169 --> 00:37:01,524 Not for long. The image becomes unstable. 519 00:37:01,689 --> 00:37:03,759 Freeze it right there! 520 00:37:07,489 --> 00:37:11,243 What the hell is that on my ass? 521 00:37:12,049 --> 00:37:14,483 That is my hand. 522 00:37:16,649 --> 00:37:19,038 - Rubbing my ass? - So what? 523 00:37:21,129 --> 00:37:23,927 Your fingers are up my cheeks. What you doing in there? 524 00:37:24,089 --> 00:37:26,125 It's an orgy, Bob. 525 00:37:26,929 --> 00:37:28,681 So you can just touch my ass? 526 00:37:29,689 --> 00:37:31,247 I thought you liked it. 527 00:37:31,409 --> 00:37:34,048 - I thought it was her! God! - What's the difference? 528 00:37:34,209 --> 00:37:36,769 The difference? You got your fingers up my asshole! 529 00:37:36,929 --> 00:37:38,282 Sorry. 530 00:37:38,449 --> 00:37:39,768 Fuck you very much. 531 00:37:39,929 --> 00:37:42,489 Bob, I said I'm sorry. It's a group grope! 532 00:37:42,649 --> 00:37:44,526 You got your fingers up around my ass! 533 00:37:44,689 --> 00:37:46,008 We were just having fun. 534 00:37:46,169 --> 00:37:48,080 - You know what? You're a perv. - What? 535 00:37:48,249 --> 00:37:50,604 You're a fucking pervert. Is that clear enough? 536 00:37:50,769 --> 00:37:53,283 - A feygele. Does that make sense? - Bob, I'm sorry. 537 00:37:53,449 --> 00:37:55,724 You know what? Hey! 538 00:37:59,289 --> 00:38:01,200 I'll see you next time, Carpy. 539 00:38:01,369 --> 00:38:02,802 Never! 540 00:38:06,289 --> 00:38:09,645 Well, now, I guess, is as good a time as any. 541 00:38:09,809 --> 00:38:11,720 Thank you all for coming. 542 00:38:12,489 --> 00:38:15,606 Since the introduction of the CV 2000, we've been working... 543 00:38:15,769 --> 00:38:19,045 ...toward the development of a colour videotape recorder. 544 00:38:19,209 --> 00:38:21,598 Mr. Carpenter, our Los Angeles representative... 545 00:38:21,769 --> 00:38:23,043 ...has a demonstration. 546 00:38:23,209 --> 00:38:25,598 This system will demonstrate what lies in store. 547 00:38:25,769 --> 00:38:27,725 John, get the lights, please? 548 00:38:48,849 --> 00:38:52,205 I knew it was in colour, but just one? 549 00:38:54,289 --> 00:38:55,563 John, lights. 550 00:38:57,649 --> 00:39:00,447 We are experiencing a little technical problem. 551 00:39:00,609 --> 00:39:02,406 If you'd excuse us just a second. 552 00:39:02,569 --> 00:39:05,481 There's hot coffee and fresh Danish next door. 553 00:39:05,649 --> 00:39:07,765 It'll only be a few minutes, I promise. 554 00:39:09,169 --> 00:39:10,966 Thank you. Thanks. 555 00:39:12,209 --> 00:39:13,164 What's happened? 556 00:39:13,329 --> 00:39:16,082 I don't know. I set everything according to specs. 557 00:39:16,249 --> 00:39:18,240 Well, fix it. 558 00:39:18,889 --> 00:39:21,483 Looks fine to me. 559 00:39:21,649 --> 00:39:24,209 It's green. It's fucking green! 560 00:39:32,809 --> 00:39:34,800 You really can't tell, can you? 561 00:39:36,889 --> 00:39:38,368 You're fucking colour-blind. 562 00:39:38,529 --> 00:39:39,928 - I'll fix it. - Goddamn you! 563 00:39:40,089 --> 00:39:43,877 I've got execs from Tokyo, every network, and you pull a stunt like this? 564 00:39:44,049 --> 00:39:47,121 - John, leave. - I'm fired? 565 00:39:47,289 --> 00:39:49,439 - Yeah. Get out. - You can't do that. 566 00:39:49,609 --> 00:39:51,088 It's done. 567 00:39:51,249 --> 00:39:53,524 I've got the contacts. 568 00:39:53,689 --> 00:39:55,884 Who do you think got you the celebrities? 569 00:39:56,049 --> 00:40:01,601 I sold Vidicons to Tommy Smothers, Dick Martin, Bob Crane. 570 00:40:01,769 --> 00:40:04,078 I sold a VTR to Elvis! 571 00:40:04,249 --> 00:40:07,446 Do I need to call security? 572 00:40:09,129 --> 00:40:14,487 One, two, three! I didn't think she was gonna get that last one. 573 00:40:14,649 --> 00:40:16,719 Oh, what a beautiful cake! 574 00:40:19,209 --> 00:40:21,359 Is it supposed to do that? 575 00:40:27,849 --> 00:40:30,124 It's broken. 576 00:40:30,289 --> 00:40:32,007 Six months? 577 00:40:32,169 --> 00:40:34,842 Can you refer me to somebody? 578 00:40:36,209 --> 00:40:40,680 Right. All right. Well, thank you. 579 00:40:55,969 --> 00:40:58,085 John, it's Bob. 580 00:40:58,249 --> 00:40:59,762 Yeah, I'm fine. 581 00:40:59,929 --> 00:41:01,567 Yeah, how are you? 582 00:41:03,129 --> 00:41:06,439 Oh, that's funny. 583 00:41:08,849 --> 00:41:14,560 Well, the problem is, we've had a little trouble with the VTR over here, and... 584 00:41:14,729 --> 00:41:17,038 I know. No, I know you're busy. 585 00:41:17,209 --> 00:41:19,006 Of course. 586 00:41:19,409 --> 00:41:22,367 I completely understand. I thought maybe if you could... 587 00:41:22,529 --> 00:41:25,999 ...you know, squeeze us in. 588 00:41:37,809 --> 00:41:39,561 You work on this? 589 00:41:40,889 --> 00:41:42,766 Well, I... 590 00:41:43,609 --> 00:41:45,964 It's the video head drum. 591 00:41:46,329 --> 00:41:49,127 You can't fix it with Scotch tape, you know. 592 00:41:49,569 --> 00:41:50,718 Is it serious? 593 00:41:50,889 --> 00:41:54,598 No, I should be able to put another one in there pretty quick... 594 00:41:54,769 --> 00:41:57,647 ...as long as nothing else is fucked up. 595 00:42:01,009 --> 00:42:04,046 I really appreciate you coming over. I tell anybody who asks: 596 00:42:04,209 --> 00:42:07,201 "You need video equipment, you see John Carpenter." 597 00:42:07,369 --> 00:42:08,643 Dad! 598 00:42:08,809 --> 00:42:11,403 - I'll be right there, honey! - Bob? 599 00:42:11,569 --> 00:42:14,527 I'm real sorry about what went down at my place. 600 00:42:15,649 --> 00:42:16,684 You're not still mad? 601 00:42:16,849 --> 00:42:19,283 - I appreciate you coming over. - Bob! 602 00:42:21,129 --> 00:42:22,357 I'm not a fag. 603 00:42:24,249 --> 00:42:26,319 About Dawson... 604 00:42:26,489 --> 00:42:29,208 ...I told him I was getting too busy to see him much. 605 00:42:29,369 --> 00:42:30,848 You did? 606 00:42:32,329 --> 00:42:33,318 How'd he take it? 607 00:42:34,489 --> 00:42:38,323 What choice did he have? You're my number one man, Bob! 608 00:42:39,089 --> 00:42:40,841 Copasetic? 609 00:42:42,009 --> 00:42:42,998 Copasetic. 610 00:42:43,169 --> 00:42:44,568 Good. 611 00:42:44,729 --> 00:42:48,085 Because, if you're into it, one of my clients is having... 612 00:42:48,249 --> 00:42:50,126 ...a party up in the hills on Friday. 613 00:42:50,289 --> 00:42:55,602 Lots of ladies. A hippie thing. Could be fun. 614 00:43:04,009 --> 00:43:05,601 Come on! 615 00:43:07,129 --> 00:43:09,120 Come on in. 616 00:43:13,729 --> 00:43:14,957 Wow. 617 00:43:15,129 --> 00:43:16,642 That's fun. 618 00:43:16,809 --> 00:43:19,084 - Yes. - Yeah! 619 00:43:19,249 --> 00:43:21,763 - How's your show? - Show's going really, real well. 620 00:43:21,929 --> 00:43:23,157 Excuse me. 621 00:43:23,329 --> 00:43:25,240 - Man, I loved your radio show. - Yeah? 622 00:43:25,409 --> 00:43:27,877 It was so cool, you know, for its time. 623 00:43:28,049 --> 00:43:30,563 - I used to listen every morning. - Thank you. 624 00:43:30,729 --> 00:43:32,720 - Can I get an autograph? - Sure. 625 00:43:33,449 --> 00:43:35,724 Will you sign me right here? 626 00:43:38,129 --> 00:43:41,326 Thanks, Colonel Hogan. 627 00:43:43,609 --> 00:43:45,839 Chinese, they'll just march right in. 628 00:43:46,009 --> 00:43:48,045 - You know what I'm saying? - Give peace a chance. 629 00:43:48,209 --> 00:43:50,200 - What are you gonna do about it? - Relax. 630 00:43:50,369 --> 00:43:51,438 John! 631 00:43:51,609 --> 00:43:54,282 - Whatever. - We're guests. 632 00:43:54,449 --> 00:43:56,838 I fought for my country. 633 00:43:57,009 --> 00:43:58,886 Look at the jugs on her. 634 00:44:01,769 --> 00:44:04,681 Carp? Get a load of this. 635 00:44:11,169 --> 00:44:14,320 No, no, that's good. I like that. 636 00:44:14,489 --> 00:44:16,047 Here we go. 637 00:44:17,209 --> 00:44:19,723 Beautiful. Beautiful. 638 00:44:19,889 --> 00:44:22,801 Want to try one of those "schmile" pictures we talked about? 639 00:44:22,969 --> 00:44:24,288 - Okay. - Why not, huh? 640 00:44:24,449 --> 00:44:28,647 We'll just... There we go. And all set? 641 00:44:28,809 --> 00:44:29,958 Ready. 642 00:44:30,129 --> 00:44:32,245 - Schmile! - Schmile! 643 00:44:35,249 --> 00:44:37,160 Really great. 644 00:44:38,529 --> 00:44:40,645 I'm a normal, red-blooded American man. 645 00:44:40,809 --> 00:44:42,640 I like to look at naked women. 646 00:44:42,809 --> 00:44:45,960 I love breasts. Any kind. I love them. 647 00:44:46,129 --> 00:44:50,168 Boobs, bazooms, balloons, bags, bazongas. 648 00:44:50,329 --> 00:44:51,682 The bigger, the better. 649 00:44:51,849 --> 00:44:56,081 Nipples like udders, nipples like saucers. Big pale, rosy-brown nipples. 650 00:44:56,249 --> 00:44:57,648 Little bitty baby nipples. 651 00:44:57,809 --> 00:45:00,881 Real or fake, what's the difference? I like tits. 652 00:45:01,049 --> 00:45:02,277 Who's kidding who? 653 00:45:03,809 --> 00:45:05,720 Tits are great. 654 00:45:13,249 --> 00:45:14,568 - There you are. - Thank you. 655 00:45:14,729 --> 00:45:16,128 Well, I just... 656 00:45:16,769 --> 00:45:21,479 So you... You actually went to Las Vegas with the... 657 00:45:21,649 --> 00:45:23,605 - You can't even say his name? - Well... 658 00:45:23,769 --> 00:45:26,078 Come on. I told you I was going. 659 00:45:26,849 --> 00:45:31,161 Sure, but I didn't think you were really gonna do it. 660 00:45:31,329 --> 00:45:34,765 Bob, honey, you're already married. 661 00:45:34,929 --> 00:45:39,241 She doesn't understand this life. She'd rather be back in Connecticut. 662 00:45:39,409 --> 00:45:41,320 She's not a Hollywood person, you know? 663 00:45:41,489 --> 00:45:43,081 She's so good. She's like a... 664 00:45:43,249 --> 00:45:44,728 A saint? 665 00:45:44,889 --> 00:45:47,084 Come on, don't let her do that to you. 666 00:45:47,249 --> 00:45:49,638 You are a good man. 667 00:45:49,809 --> 00:45:51,879 What about the press? 668 00:45:52,769 --> 00:45:53,884 The public reaction. 669 00:45:54,049 --> 00:45:56,404 We've got nothing to be ashamed of. 670 00:45:56,569 --> 00:45:59,879 You know, Ed actually suggested we get married on the set. 671 00:46:00,049 --> 00:46:01,687 CBS would love it. 672 00:46:01,849 --> 00:46:03,646 Publicity. 673 00:46:04,329 --> 00:46:08,322 Hey, remember what you said to me the first time we had dinner together? 674 00:46:08,489 --> 00:46:10,525 Yeah, that I was fluent in English. 675 00:46:15,449 --> 00:46:18,566 You said you wanted to find a woman who understands you. 676 00:46:18,729 --> 00:46:20,924 I do. I do. 677 00:46:23,929 --> 00:46:27,239 You know, I have to let you in on a little secret, baby. 678 00:46:28,529 --> 00:46:32,488 The other women? I know all about them. 679 00:46:36,249 --> 00:46:38,444 You're okay with that? 680 00:46:38,769 --> 00:46:41,647 We only go around once in this life. 681 00:46:41,809 --> 00:46:44,721 I never want to lie about who I am and I never want you... 682 00:46:44,889 --> 00:46:46,527 ...to lie about who you are. 683 00:46:47,769 --> 00:46:53,241 You're not gonna change. I know who you are and I love you! 684 00:46:53,409 --> 00:46:55,604 And I love fucking you! 685 00:47:02,169 --> 00:47:04,842 We can have any kind of marriage we want. 686 00:47:07,769 --> 00:47:12,638 You know, it can be such a drag. I mean, chatting up broads. 687 00:47:12,809 --> 00:47:15,084 You know me. I'm a gentleman, I don't push. 688 00:47:15,249 --> 00:47:18,525 But you gotta draw her out, get her to talk about herself... 689 00:47:18,689 --> 00:47:22,125 ...listen to her, act like you give a shit to get her clothes off. 690 00:47:22,289 --> 00:47:25,042 - And then, not even that. - That's life with the ladies. 691 00:47:25,209 --> 00:47:27,245 Bobby comes in with that crooked smile... 692 00:47:27,409 --> 00:47:30,003 ...and gets a strike on the frigging line every time. 693 00:47:30,169 --> 00:47:32,637 - Well, Bob's gotta be careful. - What do you mean? 694 00:47:32,809 --> 00:47:35,198 I warned him. 695 00:47:35,369 --> 00:47:40,204 He shows me his car full of nudie pictures of him getting sucked off. 696 00:47:40,369 --> 00:47:42,121 I said, " Bob, you're a big star. 697 00:47:42,289 --> 00:47:44,883 What happens if you get pulled over by the cops?" 698 00:47:45,289 --> 00:47:49,168 He'd hit on the Virgin Mary with Jesus standing right there if he could. 699 00:47:49,329 --> 00:47:51,524 Richard, you are so bad. 700 00:47:51,689 --> 00:47:53,884 Hey, what's with this new Sony colour system? 701 00:47:54,889 --> 00:47:56,368 I'm not with Sony anymore. 702 00:47:56,529 --> 00:47:59,202 - I switched to Akai. - Really? 703 00:47:59,369 --> 00:48:01,519 Bob is just coming through the gate! 704 00:48:01,689 --> 00:48:03,247 - It's about time. - I better go. 705 00:48:03,409 --> 00:48:07,402 - Listen. You don't need him. - No, I better run. 706 00:48:07,569 --> 00:48:12,165 I put that stuff you wanted in your trailer. If you have any questions, call. 707 00:48:12,689 --> 00:48:14,486 Hey, man. 708 00:48:15,249 --> 00:48:16,728 - Good morning, Bob. - Morning. 709 00:48:16,889 --> 00:48:17,878 Clary. 710 00:48:18,049 --> 00:48:19,801 Herr Hogan. 711 00:48:20,249 --> 00:48:21,807 Had a late night, did we, Bob? 712 00:48:21,969 --> 00:48:25,405 Armand, you do your job and I'll do mine. 713 00:48:25,569 --> 00:48:26,638 Stand aside! 714 00:48:26,809 --> 00:48:29,687 Magician at work. 715 00:48:32,369 --> 00:48:34,200 Take four. 716 00:48:34,609 --> 00:48:36,725 And, action! 717 00:48:36,889 --> 00:48:39,039 I'm serious about this, Hogan. 718 00:48:39,209 --> 00:48:42,201 Well, colonel, it's not really my responsibility, now, is it? 719 00:48:42,409 --> 00:48:44,684 Hogan, I'm counting on you. 720 00:48:45,089 --> 00:48:47,762 Well, I'll see what LeBeau can do. 721 00:48:48,249 --> 00:48:50,524 What did you say? 722 00:48:57,609 --> 00:49:00,681 Hogan, what's bothering you? 723 00:49:04,129 --> 00:49:08,008 It would appear Colonel Hogan is daydreaming again. 724 00:49:08,169 --> 00:49:11,764 - What is this? - You will tell us everything, Hogan... 725 00:49:11,929 --> 00:49:14,568 ...or we have ways of making you talk. 726 00:49:14,729 --> 00:49:16,845 What's...? What's going on? 727 00:49:17,049 --> 00:49:18,528 You will tell us now. 728 00:49:19,209 --> 00:49:20,927 Well, I don't know what to do. 729 00:49:21,089 --> 00:49:23,922 Patti wants to get married, but I can't do that to Anne. 730 00:49:24,089 --> 00:49:27,479 - I'd never forgive myself. - Himmler was in a similar situation. 731 00:49:27,649 --> 00:49:29,844 - What did he do? - He sent the wife... 732 00:49:30,009 --> 00:49:33,240 ...and the mistress to Dachau. - Tell me more. 733 00:49:33,449 --> 00:49:36,247 All I think about all day long is sex. 734 00:49:36,409 --> 00:49:41,881 Having sex. Filming sex. Watching sex. 735 00:49:42,569 --> 00:49:46,847 Hogan, that's all any of us really think about. 736 00:49:47,969 --> 00:49:50,085 Nobody else has their own video specialist. 737 00:49:50,249 --> 00:49:51,728 Video specialist? 738 00:49:51,889 --> 00:49:55,325 Yeah, only mine's a fruit, or a half-fruit, whatever it's called. 739 00:49:55,489 --> 00:49:59,528 - You must send him to the Russian front! - No! No, I can't replace him. 740 00:49:59,689 --> 00:50:04,046 Sex thing, Patti thing, the fruit thing... I don't recognize my own life anymore. 741 00:50:06,049 --> 00:50:07,721 I'm ready for you, Hogan. 742 00:50:09,249 --> 00:50:13,401 - What? - It'll be a modern marriage. 743 00:50:13,729 --> 00:50:17,165 Klink and Schultzie can join in too. 744 00:50:17,449 --> 00:50:21,886 Come on, Hogan. Fuck me right here. 745 00:50:25,329 --> 00:50:27,399 The lighting's perfect! 746 00:50:27,569 --> 00:50:30,481 Go for it, Big Daddy. I've got you covered. 747 00:50:30,849 --> 00:50:33,522 Bob? What do you say? 748 00:50:36,969 --> 00:50:39,324 Go ahead. Fuck her, Bob. 749 00:50:41,889 --> 00:50:43,481 Go balls-deep, Pop. 750 00:50:45,129 --> 00:50:47,518 No, I can't. Klink, tell me what to do. 751 00:50:47,689 --> 00:50:49,884 - What's the answer? - The answer? 752 00:50:50,049 --> 00:50:52,517 We don't have answers. We're Nazis. 753 00:50:52,689 --> 00:50:54,168 Dismissed! 754 00:50:56,929 --> 00:50:59,807 Dismissed, Hogan. 755 00:51:02,369 --> 00:51:05,520 Dismissed, Hogan! 756 00:51:06,969 --> 00:51:08,925 Hogan? 757 00:51:09,329 --> 00:51:10,648 Bob! 758 00:51:13,009 --> 00:51:16,604 Are you with us? You look like you drifted off there. 759 00:51:18,569 --> 00:51:22,005 Yeah. Sorry. Where were we? 760 00:52:00,329 --> 00:52:01,682 Anne? 761 00:52:01,849 --> 00:52:03,362 Oh. 762 00:52:06,369 --> 00:52:08,121 Hey. 763 00:52:13,169 --> 00:52:15,364 What a day! 764 00:52:17,409 --> 00:52:20,207 I was cleaning up today... 765 00:52:21,289 --> 00:52:23,007 ...and I went into your darkroom. 766 00:52:23,329 --> 00:52:25,718 Yeah, why'd you do that? 767 00:52:26,729 --> 00:52:28,606 I saw them. 768 00:52:28,769 --> 00:52:30,361 Photography studies. 769 00:52:38,089 --> 00:52:40,922 There was picture after picture. 770 00:52:42,609 --> 00:52:45,043 You know I sometimes play the drums at the clubs. 771 00:52:45,249 --> 00:52:47,160 How many women are there? 772 00:52:49,409 --> 00:52:51,843 We need counselling... 773 00:52:52,129 --> 00:52:54,643 - How many? - Anne, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 774 00:52:58,809 --> 00:53:01,369 I'm... Anne. Anne, Anne, I'm sorry. 775 00:53:01,529 --> 00:53:04,123 Do you think the children would be proud of you? 776 00:53:04,769 --> 00:53:06,839 I'm sorry. 777 00:53:27,449 --> 00:53:31,647 I pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride. 778 00:53:33,969 --> 00:53:37,598 Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. And Mrs. Robert Crane. 779 00:53:39,809 --> 00:53:43,722 Hogan's Heroes left the airwaves on July 4th, 1971... 780 00:53:43,889 --> 00:53:48,007 ...after six seasons and 186 shows. 781 00:53:48,689 --> 00:53:50,566 I was determined to do right by Anne. 782 00:53:50,729 --> 00:53:53,687 In the settlement, she got the house, the car... 783 00:53:53,849 --> 00:53:55,601 ...and custody of the children. 784 00:53:57,729 --> 00:53:59,321 Patti's pregnant. 785 00:53:59,809 --> 00:54:01,879 I need work. 786 00:54:02,929 --> 00:54:06,046 Sid! How are you, my friend? 787 00:54:06,369 --> 00:54:09,122 What kind of roles you want me to be looking for? 788 00:54:09,289 --> 00:54:10,324 Anything. 789 00:54:11,209 --> 00:54:14,406 I got a Westwood mortgage, alimony, child support. 790 00:54:14,569 --> 00:54:16,639 - I got a baby on the way. - She got pregnant? 791 00:54:16,809 --> 00:54:20,768 - I thought you said you had the... - Vasectomy. 792 00:54:20,969 --> 00:54:22,368 It leaks. 793 00:54:23,009 --> 00:54:24,567 It leaks? 794 00:54:24,769 --> 00:54:26,566 I need work. 795 00:54:26,729 --> 00:54:29,402 I don't understand. You were on Hogan's for six years... 796 00:54:29,569 --> 00:54:32,447 ...the thing was a hit. You didn't save any money? 797 00:54:36,009 --> 00:54:40,002 - This is not a good time for film roles. - Bobby Darin! 798 00:54:40,169 --> 00:54:42,046 - Yeah? - Bobby Darin gets film roles. 799 00:54:42,209 --> 00:54:43,961 Well, he's married to Sandra Dee. 800 00:54:46,289 --> 00:54:49,042 - You'd have to audition. - Whatever it takes. 801 00:54:50,329 --> 00:54:52,763 I just want to leave Hogan and the leather jacket... 802 00:54:52,929 --> 00:54:54,965 ...behind me for once and for all, you know? 803 00:54:55,169 --> 00:54:59,003 According to The Washington Post, while still in office as attorney general... 804 00:54:59,169 --> 00:55:03,048 ...John Mitchell had personally controlled a secret Republican fund. 805 00:55:03,209 --> 00:55:05,677 Mitchell vehemently denied any such involvement... 806 00:55:05,849 --> 00:55:07,805 ...and called the story ludicrous. 807 00:55:07,969 --> 00:55:09,084 Vice President Agnew... 808 00:55:09,249 --> 00:55:10,967 Bob, you are not a failure. 809 00:55:11,649 --> 00:55:16,439 This mortgage is eating me alive. I'm drowning in debt. 810 00:55:16,809 --> 00:55:20,882 You know, I've never gone this long, ever, I mean, without work before. 811 00:55:21,049 --> 00:55:22,880 I'll get that. 812 00:55:23,209 --> 00:55:24,801 Hello. 813 00:55:24,969 --> 00:55:28,882 Yeah. Yeah, no, I just got held up. Great. 814 00:55:29,049 --> 00:55:30,960 It's John, isn't it? 815 00:55:31,809 --> 00:55:34,198 You said we were gonna spend tonight together. 816 00:55:34,369 --> 00:55:38,601 I know. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I just gotta get out. Okay? 817 00:55:38,769 --> 00:55:44,719 This thinking and dwelling on my problems, it's driving me crazy. 818 00:55:44,889 --> 00:55:47,642 - It's lonely in this house without you. - I know. Listen. 819 00:55:47,809 --> 00:55:50,846 Tomorrow night. Tomorrow night, you and I, us. 820 00:55:51,049 --> 00:55:54,007 Promise? 821 00:55:54,169 --> 00:55:56,319 - Promise? - Promise! 822 00:55:56,489 --> 00:55:59,879 Bad boy! Get out! 823 00:56:13,409 --> 00:56:15,798 You know what time it is? 824 00:56:21,129 --> 00:56:23,518 It's fuck time. 825 00:56:31,129 --> 00:56:33,882 Let's hear it for the inimitable Miss Kitty! 826 00:56:34,049 --> 00:56:36,643 Now totally nude, yeah. 827 00:56:36,809 --> 00:56:39,323 And once again, our old friend Colonel Hogan. 828 00:56:39,969 --> 00:56:42,722 Robert Crane. Thanks again, Bob. 829 00:56:42,889 --> 00:56:45,801 We're gonna take a little pause for the cause. Back in 10. 830 00:56:46,209 --> 00:56:49,724 Well, I was in radio for 15 years. 831 00:56:49,889 --> 00:56:52,483 Six years in Bridgeport, Connecticut. 832 00:56:52,649 --> 00:56:56,085 Nine here in Los Angeles. Six years on Hogan's. 833 00:56:56,249 --> 00:57:00,401 Wow. That's 20 years of solid work. 834 00:57:01,249 --> 00:57:03,638 Rotten to be out of work. 835 00:57:04,209 --> 00:57:06,200 You've been bad. 836 00:57:06,369 --> 00:57:07,563 Yes, I have. 837 00:57:10,329 --> 00:57:12,524 I know what to do with boys like you. 838 00:57:17,049 --> 00:57:21,406 Stripping is a part-time thing for me. 839 00:57:21,569 --> 00:57:24,367 Mostly, I'm a dominatrix. 840 00:57:26,689 --> 00:57:29,328 Here, I'm Melissa. 841 00:57:29,489 --> 00:57:35,007 But my real self is Mistress Victoria. 842 00:57:35,809 --> 00:57:40,325 - You, you... - You will respect Mistress Victoria. 843 00:57:46,649 --> 00:57:48,082 You joking? 844 00:57:49,529 --> 00:57:51,804 You tell me. 845 00:57:52,769 --> 00:57:55,727 It's hard to explain, Carp. 846 00:57:55,889 --> 00:57:58,084 You ever been on a roller coaster? 847 00:57:58,249 --> 00:58:02,959 You know that feeling you get when you take that first... 848 00:58:03,129 --> 00:58:06,360 - You know, that plunge? - Yeah, sure. 849 00:58:06,769 --> 00:58:10,205 Well, imagine getting off while you're zooming straight down... 850 00:58:10,369 --> 00:58:14,999 ...and your heart is going, you know, thump. 851 00:58:15,169 --> 00:58:18,047 Thump, thump. It's... 852 00:58:20,169 --> 00:58:23,639 That's what it's like. There's no way to compare it. 853 00:58:25,609 --> 00:58:27,440 Wow. 854 00:58:29,889 --> 00:58:32,039 It's dead air. 855 00:58:32,609 --> 00:58:34,839 - What? - Dead air. 856 00:58:35,649 --> 00:58:38,368 It's the one thing every disc jockey knows: 857 00:58:38,529 --> 00:58:40,599 Don't get stuck with dead air. 858 00:58:40,769 --> 00:58:42,919 That's what I've got. 859 00:58:43,089 --> 00:58:46,365 I've worked and I've worked and I got dead air. 860 00:58:46,889 --> 00:58:48,766 I hate it. 861 00:58:53,969 --> 00:58:55,880 Dinner theatre. 862 00:58:57,929 --> 00:59:00,318 - You're kidding. - Why? 863 00:59:00,489 --> 00:59:03,959 - You've done summer theatre. - That was summer theatre! 864 00:59:04,129 --> 00:59:07,599 That was to keep busy, not something to do during prime time. 865 00:59:07,849 --> 00:59:10,488 Dick Van Dyke does dinner theatre. And Jim Nabors... 866 00:59:10,689 --> 00:59:15,046 Maybe I need a new agent. Maybe you're the problem. 867 00:59:19,449 --> 00:59:22,998 All right. Here's the phone. 868 00:59:23,809 --> 00:59:26,721 Who do you want to call? I've got all the numbers. 869 00:59:30,849 --> 00:59:32,328 Len, that's not what I meant. 870 00:59:32,489 --> 00:59:35,959 I'm not the one coming here saying he's going crazy without work. 871 00:59:36,129 --> 00:59:38,165 I'm trying to help you. 872 00:59:42,729 --> 00:59:45,084 Just keep trying. 873 00:59:46,289 --> 00:59:48,120 Something's gotta turn up. 874 00:59:48,329 --> 00:59:50,923 - What the hell is that? - Sounds like fire engines. 875 00:59:51,089 --> 00:59:54,479 - Well, I know that. - Oh, look, they're right on our street! 876 00:59:54,649 --> 00:59:58,324 My God! The building's on fire! 877 00:59:58,489 --> 01:00:00,957 And look at all the police cars and photographers! 878 01:00:01,129 --> 01:00:03,404 Photographers? 879 01:00:04,169 --> 01:00:05,807 It's okay. 880 01:00:07,649 --> 01:00:10,527 Photographers? Oh, look, and there's the mayor too. 881 01:00:10,689 --> 01:00:13,408 - Is my wife down there? - What does she look like? 882 01:00:13,569 --> 01:00:14,843 I can't remember. 883 01:00:15,009 --> 01:00:19,321 The play was called Beginner's Luck, a sophisticated sex comedy. 884 01:00:19,489 --> 01:00:21,844 We played dinner theatres around the country. 885 01:00:22,009 --> 01:00:24,569 Patti and I performed together, but it became clear... 886 01:00:24,729 --> 01:00:27,402 ...that for Scotty's sake, she should stay in Los Angeles. 887 01:00:28,449 --> 01:00:30,167 - Scotty! - Hey, hey, hey. 888 01:00:30,329 --> 01:00:32,081 Wait. Hey, hey, hey! 889 01:00:33,209 --> 01:00:34,403 I got you. 890 01:00:34,569 --> 01:00:36,446 Sure everything's gonna be all right? 891 01:00:36,609 --> 01:00:40,318 New actress comes in this afternoon. She knows the role. We got four days. 892 01:00:40,489 --> 01:00:42,764 All right with you. You seem so tense lately. 893 01:00:42,929 --> 01:00:46,922 I'm carrying the whole production. I'm directing, booking, working the crowd. 894 01:00:47,089 --> 01:00:50,240 - You'll be home in three weeks, right? - Unless they boo us off. 895 01:00:50,409 --> 01:00:53,082 - They love you, Bob! - Honey? 896 01:00:53,249 --> 01:00:56,924 - Oh, I'm sorry, baby. - What are you doing? 897 01:00:57,089 --> 01:00:58,317 Come here. 898 01:00:59,689 --> 01:01:00,838 Come on. 899 01:01:01,009 --> 01:01:03,523 Everybody loves you, Bob. 900 01:01:09,569 --> 01:01:12,242 Pacific Southwest Airlines flight 287... 901 01:01:12,409 --> 01:01:17,005 ...is now arriving at gate 35 from Los Angeles. 902 01:01:31,809 --> 01:01:34,198 - Hey! - Big Daddy. 903 01:01:34,369 --> 01:01:36,929 - Voil�! - What is that? 904 01:01:37,089 --> 01:01:38,966 Videocassette. It's brand-new. 905 01:01:39,129 --> 01:01:42,041 It has the reel-to-reel inside the casing. 906 01:01:42,209 --> 01:01:43,927 My God. 907 01:01:44,089 --> 01:01:46,398 Any trouble with the luggage? 908 01:01:46,569 --> 01:01:49,242 We're gonna need a sky cart. 909 01:01:49,449 --> 01:01:52,521 That's just the thing. With women, if they have a good sound... 910 01:01:52,689 --> 01:01:54,202 - They love it. - Patti loves it. 911 01:01:54,369 --> 01:01:58,157 You know, we need a tape. A music tape. 912 01:01:58,329 --> 01:02:00,684 - Like a recording or something. - Yeah, yeah. 913 01:02:00,849 --> 01:02:03,522 - To get the chicks in the mood. - That's a fabulous idea. 914 01:02:03,689 --> 01:02:04,289 It's a fabulous idea. 915 01:02:04,289 --> 01:02:06,120 It's a fabulous idea. 916 01:02:23,169 --> 01:02:26,206 We have so much fun here. We just love Columbus audiences. 917 01:02:26,369 --> 01:02:29,884 We like after the show to take a couple questions from the audience. 918 01:02:34,369 --> 01:02:36,724 So let's start... 919 01:02:39,649 --> 01:02:41,048 ...here. 920 01:02:53,849 --> 01:02:57,239 You St. Louis audiences are fantastic. I'd be happy to sign... 921 01:02:57,409 --> 01:03:00,401 ...some autographs after the show. I ask one thing: 922 01:03:00,569 --> 01:03:03,641 Don't throw them out while I'm still present. 923 01:03:14,889 --> 01:03:16,845 What do y'all do for fun in Dallas? 924 01:03:17,049 --> 01:03:21,167 I hear the place to be on a Thursday night is a club called Lucky's. 925 01:03:28,169 --> 01:03:32,481 So I guess that's where you'll find me and some of the crew tonight. 926 01:03:32,649 --> 01:03:35,004 If you're looking for company. 927 01:03:35,329 --> 01:03:38,127 Over here! Over here! 928 01:03:41,209 --> 01:03:43,165 - You all right? - Yeah. 929 01:03:43,329 --> 01:03:44,887 Hey, Bob! Bob! 930 01:03:45,049 --> 01:03:46,004 Yeah? 931 01:03:46,169 --> 01:03:48,046 Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 932 01:04:02,809 --> 01:04:03,929 - Carpy? - Sleeping Beauty. 933 01:04:03,929 --> 01:04:04,600 - Carpy? - Sleeping Beauty. 934 01:04:04,769 --> 01:04:06,521 Where you been? 935 01:04:06,689 --> 01:04:12,161 While you were catching Z's, I, your loyal musketeer... 936 01:04:12,329 --> 01:04:14,843 ...was out at the porn theatre... 937 01:04:15,009 --> 01:04:19,366 ...shooting a copy of Deep Throat off the screen. 938 01:04:19,529 --> 01:04:22,202 - You can do that? - I had to use your name. 939 01:04:22,369 --> 01:04:25,725 I picked up some swing magazines. This is a big town for swinging. 940 01:04:25,929 --> 01:04:27,885 - We should just do it. - What? 941 01:04:28,049 --> 01:04:31,439 Just make a big-budget sex film. 942 01:04:31,609 --> 01:04:36,922 You know? Get some big star, like... 943 01:04:37,089 --> 01:04:39,478 - Stella Stevens. - She'd never do it. 944 01:04:39,649 --> 01:04:41,879 Oh, hell yeah. Yeah, Carp. Oh, yeah. 945 01:04:42,049 --> 01:04:44,438 If you pay her enough. She's an actress! 946 01:04:45,689 --> 01:04:49,398 Wow. You could charge, like, 10 bucks for something like that. 947 01:04:50,209 --> 01:04:52,598 Hey. Look at this. 948 01:04:52,769 --> 01:04:54,202 Look at my dick. 949 01:04:54,769 --> 01:04:57,806 - Look at my dick. - I've seen your dick before. 950 01:04:58,809 --> 01:05:00,606 Look closer. 951 01:05:00,769 --> 01:05:03,727 - I don't want to look closer. - Look, damn it! 952 01:05:07,009 --> 01:05:09,204 See anything different? 953 01:05:10,369 --> 01:05:12,519 What am I supposed to say, it's bigger? 954 01:05:13,649 --> 01:05:14,843 Is it? 955 01:05:17,409 --> 01:05:20,606 Wow. You did it, didn't you? 956 01:05:20,809 --> 01:05:23,960 Last time I was in L.A. A "penile enhancement." 957 01:05:24,129 --> 01:05:27,644 Wow! It's thicker! How much did it cost? 958 01:05:27,809 --> 01:05:31,358 If you're gonna be in the movies, gotta do what you gotta do. 959 01:05:31,529 --> 01:05:35,488 - Hey, a day without sex... - Is a day wasted. 960 01:05:35,649 --> 01:05:38,607 Bob Crane. Hey, Lenny. 961 01:05:38,769 --> 01:05:40,487 You're kidding me. 962 01:05:40,649 --> 01:05:42,526 Run it by me again? 963 01:05:44,209 --> 01:05:46,484 That... No, no, no, no, that's... 964 01:05:46,689 --> 01:05:47,917 That's great. 965 01:05:48,089 --> 01:05:50,649 Disney's offering me a movie. Superdad. 966 01:05:51,689 --> 01:05:54,726 No, no, no, no. Just tell them I got some commitments. 967 01:05:54,889 --> 01:05:58,165 Don't blow this, Lenny. Don't blow it. I want this job. 968 01:05:58,329 --> 01:06:00,524 I need this job, okay? 969 01:06:00,689 --> 01:06:03,123 No, it's fabulous! Yeah. 970 01:06:03,289 --> 01:06:05,803 I'll call you later. Yeah. 971 01:06:09,529 --> 01:06:12,248 Guess who's playing Superdad? 972 01:06:13,169 --> 01:06:14,966 Me. 973 01:06:16,089 --> 01:06:19,001 So much for our big plans. 974 01:06:21,249 --> 01:06:24,719 Don't give me that look. This is good for both of us. 975 01:06:24,929 --> 01:06:29,480 - Oh, is it? - Yeah. I'm back in play again. 976 01:06:29,649 --> 01:06:31,162 The big time. 977 01:06:31,849 --> 01:06:33,726 - Sweets. How are you? - I'm fine. 978 01:06:33,889 --> 01:06:34,924 Schmile. 979 01:06:35,089 --> 01:06:36,442 - Let's pull it around. - Easy. 980 01:06:36,609 --> 01:06:37,883 - Lenny! - Hey. 981 01:06:38,049 --> 01:06:40,119 You came by. 982 01:06:40,649 --> 01:06:42,526 It's 20 minutes. 983 01:06:42,689 --> 01:06:46,125 They're turning around the lights. You want to go in my trailer? 984 01:06:49,449 --> 01:06:51,963 I got a call from Disney. 985 01:06:52,129 --> 01:06:54,597 Apparently some joker from the Enquirer... 986 01:06:54,769 --> 01:06:57,920 ...took pictures of you in a topless bar. 987 01:07:01,089 --> 01:07:04,445 Bob, this is Disney. Don't fucking blow this. 988 01:07:04,609 --> 01:07:09,046 I'm a family man. One woman man. Always have been. 989 01:07:09,889 --> 01:07:12,608 What about the photo albums? 990 01:07:13,089 --> 01:07:14,807 Those pictures you show people. 991 01:07:14,969 --> 01:07:18,006 You know, not everyone thinks about things the way you do. 992 01:07:18,169 --> 01:07:20,842 Turns people off. And word gets around, believe me. 993 01:07:21,009 --> 01:07:23,887 - Who'd I show them to? - You show them to everybody. 994 01:07:24,049 --> 01:07:26,688 Don't be a square. 995 01:07:27,329 --> 01:07:31,163 Is it true you showed them to Donna Reed and she ran out? 996 01:07:32,169 --> 01:07:35,366 I may be horny, but I'm not stupid. 997 01:07:35,529 --> 01:07:37,679 There could be a very serious conflict here... 998 01:07:37,849 --> 01:07:42,684 ...between your lifestyle and your career. You don't see this? 999 01:07:42,849 --> 01:07:44,248 I'm normal. 1000 01:07:45,529 --> 01:07:46,848 Sex is not the answer. 1001 01:07:47,009 --> 01:07:51,127 I know that, Lenny, it's the question. "Yes" is the answer. 1002 01:07:51,329 --> 01:07:53,206 I'm just saying. 1003 01:07:53,369 --> 01:07:56,918 Just try to be a little discreet. All right? 1004 01:07:58,529 --> 01:07:59,803 Come in for a minute. 1005 01:07:59,969 --> 01:08:03,678 - I gotta get back to the office. - Well, call me! 1006 01:08:07,769 --> 01:08:09,805 This is it. 1007 01:08:10,409 --> 01:08:12,639 Here we are. 1008 01:08:13,369 --> 01:08:14,848 Batman and Robin. 1009 01:08:15,929 --> 01:08:17,965 Lone Ranger and Tonto. 1010 01:08:18,929 --> 01:08:22,046 Hi-yo, Silver. Away! 1011 01:08:22,649 --> 01:08:26,562 - Come on in, guys. Join the party! - Hey, what's going on? 1012 01:08:26,729 --> 01:08:29,607 - Janet! Janet! - What's coming off? 1013 01:08:29,769 --> 01:08:31,646 What's going down? 1014 01:08:32,089 --> 01:08:34,683 All your life you're the lucky guy. The funny guy. 1015 01:08:36,089 --> 01:08:37,408 Then one day it all turns. 1016 01:08:37,569 --> 01:08:40,129 The jokes aren't funny, the phone doesn't ring. 1017 01:08:40,289 --> 01:08:42,757 You're the same, but nothing else is. 1018 01:08:42,929 --> 01:08:45,204 Superdad sat on the shelf for a year... 1019 01:08:45,529 --> 01:08:46,848 ...then flopped. 1020 01:08:47,009 --> 01:08:49,921 I had to beg Disney for a cameo in another film... 1021 01:08:50,089 --> 01:08:54,128 ...Gus, about a donkey who kicked field goals. 1022 01:08:54,289 --> 01:08:59,238 What do they want from me? I don't drink. I don't smoke. 1023 01:08:59,409 --> 01:09:02,048 Two out of three ain't bad. 1024 01:09:07,809 --> 01:09:09,242 Honey? 1025 01:09:09,569 --> 01:09:11,560 Gotta go back on the road. 1026 01:09:11,769 --> 01:09:14,203 Bob, you're never home anymore. 1027 01:09:14,369 --> 01:09:17,566 You think dinner theatre makes me happy? 1028 01:09:17,729 --> 01:09:21,199 How do you think I feel having to do dinner theatre to pay the bills? 1029 01:09:21,369 --> 01:09:24,679 Gee, I wouldn't know. I'm just a housewife. 1030 01:09:24,849 --> 01:09:26,805 Well, maybe you need a new hobby. 1031 01:09:27,009 --> 01:09:29,045 You thought about that? 1032 01:09:31,169 --> 01:09:34,684 Maybe I need a new husband. 1033 01:09:34,849 --> 01:09:38,398 Hey, everything I do is for you and Scotty. Come on. 1034 01:09:38,569 --> 01:09:42,323 The house, the furniture, the Caddy that you drive. 1035 01:09:43,489 --> 01:09:45,081 I just want someone here. 1036 01:09:46,249 --> 01:09:48,080 You're never home anymore. 1037 01:09:48,249 --> 01:09:52,208 And when you are, you're downstairs editing your videos! 1038 01:09:53,569 --> 01:09:56,447 You want me to cancel my next engagement? Just cancel it? 1039 01:09:56,609 --> 01:09:59,726 I can't. It's a contract! 1040 01:10:00,209 --> 01:10:02,518 Marriage is a contract. 1041 01:10:04,049 --> 01:10:07,121 Maybe we should just cancel that too. 1042 01:10:11,049 --> 01:10:12,198 I booked Wichita. 1043 01:10:15,969 --> 01:10:18,164 Is that thing on? 1044 01:10:18,489 --> 01:10:21,242 Oh, yeah. Want me to turn it off? 1045 01:10:21,409 --> 01:10:24,481 - Happy now? - Yeah. 1046 01:10:49,569 --> 01:10:51,480 Bob? 1047 01:11:00,729 --> 01:11:02,685 Bob? 1048 01:11:13,409 --> 01:11:14,728 Hey, Big Daddy! 1049 01:11:14,889 --> 01:11:16,208 Carpy. You want a drink? 1050 01:11:16,369 --> 01:11:19,441 Look what I got you. It's a timer. 1051 01:11:19,609 --> 01:11:22,248 Now we can put on the recorder whenever we want... 1052 01:11:22,409 --> 01:11:24,798 ...tape shows right off the TV. - That's fantastic. 1053 01:11:24,969 --> 01:11:27,483 Like if you want to watch Johnny Carson at 11:30... 1054 01:11:27,649 --> 01:11:30,482 ...and we're out hunting chicks, we set the timer. Boom. 1055 01:11:30,649 --> 01:11:32,560 We watch it in the morning. 1056 01:11:32,729 --> 01:11:35,607 I'm gonna need a minute to wrap my mind around that idea. 1057 01:11:35,769 --> 01:11:39,125 - Pretty groovy, huh? - Yeah. 1058 01:11:41,089 --> 01:11:43,887 You okay? You look kind of blue. 1059 01:11:44,529 --> 01:11:47,601 Just Patti and I having some problems. 1060 01:11:48,529 --> 01:11:51,441 Had to cancel the Wichita gig. 1061 01:11:51,609 --> 01:11:53,964 I thought you had an arrangement with her. 1062 01:11:54,129 --> 01:11:56,927 - You know how women are. - Yeah. 1063 01:11:58,729 --> 01:12:01,641 You got the right idea, really. 1064 01:12:02,049 --> 01:12:04,609 Live separately. 1065 01:12:05,049 --> 01:12:08,041 I'd miss her and Scotty too much. 1066 01:12:14,169 --> 01:12:16,763 This is making me hot. 1067 01:12:17,369 --> 01:12:19,803 - What's her name again? - I'm not sure. 1068 01:12:19,969 --> 01:12:22,278 Could look it up in my records. 1069 01:12:22,569 --> 01:12:25,083 I've got all this stuff. 1070 01:12:25,569 --> 01:12:29,164 The bush on her. Wouldn't go near that without a flashlight. 1071 01:12:30,369 --> 01:12:32,325 I did. 1072 01:12:35,489 --> 01:12:38,162 What is it about women, Carpy? They tell you one thing... 1073 01:12:38,329 --> 01:12:40,923 ...then they get you and they change their minds. It's... 1074 01:12:41,089 --> 01:12:43,284 Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em. 1075 01:12:43,489 --> 01:12:45,639 You know, truer words were never spoken. 1076 01:12:45,849 --> 01:12:47,487 Can't live with 'em... 1077 01:12:47,649 --> 01:12:50,209 Can't kill 'em. 1078 01:12:50,369 --> 01:12:53,725 I think this is Seattle. 1079 01:12:53,929 --> 01:12:56,762 No. Dallas. 1080 01:12:57,049 --> 01:12:59,802 Look at the d�cor. The Western picture. 1081 01:13:01,649 --> 01:13:03,321 Tits on her. 1082 01:13:03,809 --> 01:13:05,401 Yeah. 1083 01:13:15,009 --> 01:13:17,842 My God, the building's on fire! 1084 01:13:18,249 --> 01:13:20,683 Look at all those police cars and photographers! 1085 01:13:20,849 --> 01:13:23,488 Photographers? Oh, my God, the mayor's there too! 1086 01:13:23,649 --> 01:13:26,368 - Do you see my wife out there? - What does she look like? 1087 01:13:26,529 --> 01:13:28,247 I don't remember! 1088 01:13:28,449 --> 01:13:30,201 Carpy? 1089 01:13:30,369 --> 01:13:32,599 Yeah? 1090 01:13:32,769 --> 01:13:36,603 Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's great up here. 1091 01:13:36,769 --> 01:13:38,964 Last night? Zilch. 1092 01:13:39,129 --> 01:13:42,405 But there's actually a story there. A society babe. 1093 01:13:42,569 --> 01:13:44,480 I did her friend. 1094 01:13:44,649 --> 01:13:48,642 She was all hot to go and then she got the heebie-jeebies. 1095 01:13:49,529 --> 01:13:51,008 When are you coming out? 1096 01:14:01,409 --> 01:14:02,728 Excuse me. 1097 01:14:02,889 --> 01:14:06,848 Mind switching that to channel nine? I want to check something out. 1098 01:14:20,609 --> 01:14:24,397 That's the guy from that TV show. Look, there he is... 1099 01:14:24,609 --> 01:14:27,965 I'm going to talk to him. Watch. 1100 01:14:35,849 --> 01:14:38,966 - Hi. - Hi. 1101 01:14:39,169 --> 01:14:41,558 I'm sorry to bother you. I was sitting over there... 1102 01:14:41,729 --> 01:14:44,721 ...and I noticed the TV and I... Well, is that you? 1103 01:14:44,929 --> 01:14:48,285 - On the TV, is that...? - Oh, my gosh! 1104 01:14:48,449 --> 01:14:51,805 That is embarrassing. I didn't even know it was on. I'm Bob Crane. 1105 01:14:51,969 --> 01:14:53,288 I know. I thought so. 1106 01:14:53,449 --> 01:14:55,485 Bob Crane. Gosh, it's nice to meet you. 1107 01:14:55,649 --> 01:14:57,367 - Nice to meet you too... - Susan. 1108 01:14:57,529 --> 01:14:59,997 - Susan. All right. - I loved your TV show. 1109 01:15:00,169 --> 01:15:03,798 I appreciate that. I'm just in town here to do a little bit of theatre. 1110 01:15:03,969 --> 01:15:06,722 - I just wanted to say hi. - Sure. Can I get you something? 1111 01:15:06,889 --> 01:15:09,961 Another drink? An autograph? A nude swim? 1112 01:15:10,129 --> 01:15:11,448 Bob! 1113 01:15:11,609 --> 01:15:15,079 You know, I'm a real photo nut. How long are you girls in town? 1114 01:15:15,849 --> 01:15:19,159 Carp. Look at this. 1115 01:15:19,329 --> 01:15:20,728 You want a club sandwich? 1116 01:15:20,889 --> 01:15:25,087 This editing hookup's fantastic. I can even cut together cartoons for Scotty. 1117 01:15:25,489 --> 01:15:28,561 No, I'm not hungry. Watch this. 1118 01:15:29,449 --> 01:15:31,167 Here's Bobby! 1119 01:15:32,169 --> 01:15:36,128 On The Morning Show with us today, Bob Crane. 1120 01:15:36,289 --> 01:15:40,726 - Hey. You made this? - Yeah, with your equipment! 1121 01:15:40,889 --> 01:15:44,518 It's like the old stuff we used to do back in radio. 1122 01:15:44,729 --> 01:15:48,039 Know how sometimes you put a flub in the show? Audiences crack up. 1123 01:15:48,249 --> 01:15:49,238 It's so funny. 1124 01:15:49,409 --> 01:15:52,287 The girls, sometimes they're uncomfortable with the video. 1125 01:15:52,449 --> 01:15:56,237 Now we show them an edit, get them laughing and boom! 1126 01:15:56,409 --> 01:15:58,877 They love sex. They're just looking for an excuse. 1127 01:15:59,049 --> 01:16:01,483 - You want something to drink? - Women should have... 1128 01:16:01,649 --> 01:16:04,322 ...a letter from the pope, says, " If I sleep with you... 1129 01:16:04,489 --> 01:16:07,447 ...my boyfriend won't come after you." Know what I mean? 1130 01:16:07,609 --> 01:16:10,646 - I talked to Nick Murphy in Houston. - Yeah, how'd that go? 1131 01:16:10,809 --> 01:16:15,246 We're all set for Monday night with the swinging thing. You know, it's strange. 1132 01:16:15,409 --> 01:16:17,684 Dallas is a great town for babes. 1133 01:16:18,729 --> 01:16:20,765 But for swinging, nothing. 1134 01:16:21,369 --> 01:16:25,487 You know what's a great city for dominance? Atlanta. Don't ask me why. 1135 01:16:25,649 --> 01:16:27,924 I made this for you. 1136 01:16:33,009 --> 01:16:34,044 That's good. 1137 01:16:36,329 --> 01:16:39,082 Simply scrumptious! 1138 01:16:47,409 --> 01:16:51,448 It's not very nice to try and trick Mother Nature. 1139 01:16:51,609 --> 01:16:52,837 That's not funny, Bob. 1140 01:16:53,009 --> 01:16:54,761 Carp, come on! 1141 01:16:56,409 --> 01:16:58,877 Don't tell me funny. I know funny... 1142 01:16:59,049 --> 01:17:00,846 ...and that's funny! - No, it's not. 1143 01:17:01,009 --> 01:17:04,046 It's fucking Laugh-In! That's Rowan and Martin. 1144 01:17:04,209 --> 01:17:07,281 - After all I've done for you. - What do you mean? 1145 01:17:07,449 --> 01:17:09,565 The equipment, coming when you called... 1146 01:17:09,729 --> 01:17:12,448 ...running errands, setting up the swinging parties... 1147 01:17:12,609 --> 01:17:16,443 Do you hear yourself? What are you...? All you've done for me? 1148 01:17:16,609 --> 01:17:20,397 What are you talking about? How the fuck do you think you get these broads? 1149 01:17:20,569 --> 01:17:25,563 You think you show up and say, "Hey, I'm John Carpenter. Fuck me." 1150 01:17:26,929 --> 01:17:30,604 They're with you because of me. They don't want you, they want Bob Crane. 1151 01:17:30,769 --> 01:17:36,366 So if you don't mind, please lay off the "all I've done for you" speech. 1152 01:17:53,489 --> 01:17:55,127 - Mr. Crane? - Oh, yeah! 1153 01:17:55,289 --> 01:17:59,328 - Hey, Mr. Crane! - Do you want an autograph? 1154 01:18:00,289 --> 01:18:02,405 You've been served. 1155 01:18:06,609 --> 01:18:11,160 Welcome to Celebrity Cooks. My name is Bruno Gerussi. 1156 01:18:11,329 --> 01:18:17,086 Today we'll be cooking with Colonel Hogan himself, Mr. Bob Crane! 1157 01:18:23,009 --> 01:18:25,762 Thanks, Bruno. It's a pleasure to be here. 1158 01:18:25,969 --> 01:18:30,008 Wonderful to see you. Now, what has Hogan been up to? 1159 01:18:30,169 --> 01:18:35,118 Pretty much the same old thing. Still trying to pull the wool over Klink's eyes. 1160 01:18:35,329 --> 01:18:37,320 And trying to get into Hilda's pants. 1161 01:18:37,489 --> 01:18:40,640 Actually, I did get into her pants, I married her. But... 1162 01:18:40,809 --> 01:18:45,166 Now she's divorcing me, so that's not worked out. 1163 01:18:45,329 --> 01:18:47,843 But I will be next month in Long Beach... 1164 01:18:48,009 --> 01:18:50,364 ...performing a show called Beginner's Luck. 1165 01:18:50,529 --> 01:18:54,920 Wonderful! So, Bob, what recipe have you brought us today? 1166 01:18:55,129 --> 01:18:58,519 It is a pasta dish. 1167 01:18:58,689 --> 01:19:04,286 With chicken and fettuccine, they tell me. 1168 01:19:04,449 --> 01:19:06,917 I don't... That's what they told me to say, anyway. 1169 01:19:07,089 --> 01:19:08,158 Sounds delicious. 1170 01:19:08,369 --> 01:19:11,918 You got a balloon-smuggler here in the audience today. 1171 01:19:12,129 --> 01:19:14,484 You got a license to carry those things? 1172 01:19:14,649 --> 01:19:18,961 Little tip on how to remove the wrinkles from your face: Take off your bra. 1173 01:19:21,729 --> 01:19:25,165 Calm down. Boo! Calm down. 1174 01:19:25,369 --> 01:19:29,726 They'll cut all this stuff out. They edit it and they take all this stuff out. 1175 01:19:29,889 --> 01:19:33,438 Nice enough girl till she figured out the fuzzy thing she's sitting on... 1176 01:19:33,609 --> 01:19:35,964 ...could make her some money. - You all right? 1177 01:19:36,129 --> 01:19:41,123 I'm fine. It's actually called a Chicken Fettuccine � la Crane, is my dish. 1178 01:19:41,289 --> 01:19:43,598 - We can take a break if you want. - No, I'm fine. 1179 01:19:43,769 --> 01:19:47,728 I'm a complete professional. I just can't get over the size of those knockers. 1180 01:19:47,969 --> 01:19:50,358 - Look, here come the ingredients now. - Yes! 1181 01:19:50,529 --> 01:19:52,440 Wonderful. 1182 01:19:52,849 --> 01:19:54,885 The noodles! 1183 01:20:02,369 --> 01:20:04,121 Bob. 1184 01:20:04,289 --> 01:20:08,077 You surprised me. Come in. Close the door, will you? 1185 01:20:08,929 --> 01:20:10,920 Sit. 1186 01:20:13,449 --> 01:20:15,440 You need anything? 1187 01:20:16,929 --> 01:20:18,726 Sit. 1188 01:20:19,009 --> 01:20:23,924 So, what's on your mind? 1189 01:20:24,089 --> 01:20:26,557 Just passing through. 1190 01:20:28,289 --> 01:20:30,325 Some things never change. 1191 01:20:30,529 --> 01:20:34,761 How's the theatre? Our... The boys are helping you, right? 1192 01:20:34,929 --> 01:20:38,922 - I got eight months lined up, thank you. - That's a nice little moneymaker. 1193 01:20:39,409 --> 01:20:41,525 You should know. 1194 01:20:44,129 --> 01:20:46,245 How's the family? The kids all right? 1195 01:20:47,169 --> 01:20:49,637 - Patti and I broke up. - Yeah, I heard. 1196 01:20:49,809 --> 01:20:51,447 She hates me. 1197 01:20:51,849 --> 01:20:54,568 And she threw stuff at me. 1198 01:20:54,929 --> 01:20:59,764 Ashtrays, a videocassette. She cut my lip here. I had to have stitches. 1199 01:21:02,289 --> 01:21:04,757 I was wondering if you'd set some meetings up. 1200 01:21:05,209 --> 01:21:07,882 Get in circulation. A game show. 1201 01:21:08,609 --> 01:21:11,169 Do you remember the reaction I got on Password? 1202 01:21:11,329 --> 01:21:14,048 I know Password is, you know, not on the air anymore... 1203 01:21:14,209 --> 01:21:17,121 ...but maybe Hollywood Squares. You know? Something just to... 1204 01:21:17,289 --> 01:21:21,646 ...get into the public's eye. Don't look like that. Hey! 1205 01:21:21,809 --> 01:21:24,403 I'm not talking about Paul Lynde's square. 1206 01:21:24,569 --> 01:21:27,003 - Any square is fine. - We've talked about this. 1207 01:21:27,169 --> 01:21:29,125 The image problem. 1208 01:21:29,289 --> 01:21:33,760 If I sent you out again, I'd have to be able to tell people you're a new man. 1209 01:21:34,449 --> 01:21:37,168 Well, tell them sex is normal. 1210 01:21:38,449 --> 01:21:43,284 It's good for you. I'm normal. People got these hang-ups. 1211 01:21:47,049 --> 01:21:51,327 Do you know that there's actually people out there who avoid me now? 1212 01:21:52,409 --> 01:21:54,081 This is a nice one. 1213 01:21:54,689 --> 01:21:56,407 I'm the friendly guy. 1214 01:21:56,569 --> 01:21:59,959 I'm the mediator. My brother and father... 1215 01:22:00,889 --> 01:22:04,006 Goddamn, they hated each other. You know? 1216 01:22:05,729 --> 01:22:09,165 - I'm the good son. - Hey, I'm not a counsellor. 1217 01:22:11,929 --> 01:22:15,638 I'm feeling very awkward being put in this situation. 1218 01:22:21,089 --> 01:22:22,841 There's one thing I know. 1219 01:22:23,009 --> 01:22:26,001 Bob, people don't change unless they want to. 1220 01:22:28,369 --> 01:22:29,961 I want to. 1221 01:22:30,329 --> 01:22:33,321 A drunk can't get sober and hang around his old drinking buddies. 1222 01:22:33,489 --> 01:22:35,639 It doesn't work that way, kid. 1223 01:22:40,009 --> 01:22:40,998 Excuse me. 1224 01:22:41,609 --> 01:22:43,281 - Yeah. - Your 4:00 is here. 1225 01:22:43,449 --> 01:22:45,087 Tell him to wait. 1226 01:22:51,649 --> 01:22:54,766 - You got meetings. - No! No hurry. Sit down. 1227 01:22:54,929 --> 01:22:56,601 I gotta go anyway. 1228 01:22:57,009 --> 01:22:59,569 Come here. I want you to know something. 1229 01:22:59,729 --> 01:23:03,483 I'm here for you, and I want to help you. You understand? 1230 01:23:03,809 --> 01:23:06,198 Yes. I'll call you. 1231 01:23:07,609 --> 01:23:10,646 Good luck, kid. Beginner's luck, right? 1232 01:23:25,369 --> 01:23:26,597 Bobby! 1233 01:23:28,009 --> 01:23:29,237 Dad? 1234 01:23:32,009 --> 01:23:33,522 How you doing? 1235 01:23:33,729 --> 01:23:35,765 - What's up? - Hello, Mr. Crane. 1236 01:23:38,489 --> 01:23:39,922 I'll be inside. 1237 01:23:41,249 --> 01:23:43,126 Wow, she's built. 1238 01:23:52,289 --> 01:23:54,245 How you doing? 1239 01:23:54,409 --> 01:23:57,606 - Pretty good. What's up? - What have you been up to? 1240 01:23:58,929 --> 01:24:00,760 - Nothing much. - Yeah? 1241 01:24:02,649 --> 01:24:05,846 Patti and I are getting a divorce. 1242 01:24:06,009 --> 01:24:09,240 - She's busting my balls. - Really, I don't want to get into it. 1243 01:24:09,409 --> 01:24:11,479 I didn't want you to hear about it the wrong way. 1244 01:24:11,649 --> 01:24:13,162 Right. 1245 01:24:13,329 --> 01:24:16,446 I tried to call your mom. 1246 01:24:16,609 --> 01:24:19,487 Well, she never says anything bad about you. 1247 01:24:21,969 --> 01:24:24,767 How you doing? You okay? 1248 01:24:27,089 --> 01:24:29,398 Where you working now? 1249 01:24:29,569 --> 01:24:32,561 Well, we're going back down to Long Beach. 1250 01:24:33,569 --> 01:24:35,127 Then we go up to Seattle. 1251 01:24:35,289 --> 01:24:38,326 And down to Scottsdale. 1252 01:24:38,969 --> 01:24:41,403 Scottsdale, Arizona. 1253 01:24:43,649 --> 01:24:46,800 I was thinking about orange the other day. 1254 01:24:47,729 --> 01:24:48,764 The colour. 1255 01:24:49,609 --> 01:24:51,804 You take it for granted, right? 1256 01:24:52,609 --> 01:24:54,804 The colour orange. But what is it, really? 1257 01:24:54,969 --> 01:24:56,880 - The colour? - Yeah. 1258 01:25:00,089 --> 01:25:03,126 But that's it. Just tell me, what is orange? 1259 01:25:06,769 --> 01:25:10,842 - I don't know. - That's my point. You take it for granted. 1260 01:25:11,009 --> 01:25:13,648 You don't think about stuff like that. 1261 01:25:13,809 --> 01:25:15,561 It's just there. 1262 01:25:16,649 --> 01:25:19,925 Did John get you that camera stuff you wanted? 1263 01:25:20,769 --> 01:25:21,963 Yeah. 1264 01:25:25,089 --> 01:25:26,522 Yeah, finally. 1265 01:25:27,849 --> 01:25:31,637 - He can be a real drag. - Yeah, Mom thinks he's a creep. 1266 01:25:31,809 --> 01:25:33,003 Yeah. 1267 01:25:34,489 --> 01:25:36,002 We'll see. 1268 01:25:37,249 --> 01:25:39,604 We'll see. Gotta make some changes. 1269 01:25:41,649 --> 01:25:42,877 Anne. 1270 01:25:43,769 --> 01:25:46,283 No, no, don't hang up. 1271 01:25:47,009 --> 01:25:50,240 What do you mean, Debbie doesn't come to the phone? 1272 01:25:53,129 --> 01:25:56,121 I ran into Bobby the other day. 1273 01:25:56,969 --> 01:25:58,925 I wanted to tell you. 1274 01:26:00,449 --> 01:26:02,360 No, no, hey... Hey. 1275 01:26:02,529 --> 01:26:03,882 Annie? 1276 01:26:04,809 --> 01:26:06,481 Annie? 1277 01:26:07,569 --> 01:26:08,558 Annie! 1278 01:26:08,729 --> 01:26:11,527 Patti, it's an hour earlier in L.A. 1279 01:26:12,609 --> 01:26:13,837 It is. 1280 01:26:16,969 --> 01:26:21,565 I'm so sorry about what happened with Scotty's drawings at school, but... 1281 01:26:22,809 --> 01:26:23,798 No... 1282 01:26:26,289 --> 01:26:28,598 I've agreed to the counselling. 1283 01:26:31,049 --> 01:26:34,086 I'm offering you 50l50! 1284 01:26:34,249 --> 01:26:38,367 That's fair. That's... That's more than fair. 1285 01:26:38,529 --> 01:26:40,520 I'm trying to be decent. 1286 01:26:41,689 --> 01:26:44,283 Well, I don't have that much money! 1287 01:26:44,929 --> 01:26:47,318 And don't call me in my dressing room anymore. 1288 01:26:47,489 --> 01:26:50,367 That is where I prepare. 1289 01:26:52,769 --> 01:26:54,680 I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 1290 01:26:58,049 --> 01:26:59,482 Patti? 1291 01:27:01,689 --> 01:27:03,805 Okay, we'll talk then. 1292 01:27:11,649 --> 01:27:15,198 Back straight. Chest up. 1293 01:27:15,369 --> 01:27:17,803 Chin up. Smile. 1294 01:27:20,049 --> 01:27:22,358 "Your drink, key-holder." 1295 01:27:23,969 --> 01:27:26,722 - How's your room? - It's okay. 1296 01:27:26,889 --> 01:27:29,244 I'm at the Sunburst. 1297 01:27:31,049 --> 01:27:33,324 How are rehearsals going? 1298 01:27:34,409 --> 01:27:36,161 That bitch. 1299 01:27:37,569 --> 01:27:38,922 What's wrong? 1300 01:27:40,449 --> 01:27:44,283 Why did I get married, Carp? Once, you can understand. 1301 01:27:44,449 --> 01:27:46,838 I got married twice. 1302 01:27:48,449 --> 01:27:50,519 Patti showed up with Scotty. 1303 01:27:50,689 --> 01:27:52,042 - Yeah? - No warning. 1304 01:27:52,209 --> 01:27:54,518 Just popped in town to fuck with Bob's head. 1305 01:27:54,689 --> 01:27:55,963 My lawyer called. 1306 01:27:56,129 --> 01:28:01,362 She told him that Scotty has written "Fuck Daddy" on a wall somewhere. 1307 01:28:01,529 --> 01:28:05,966 In the divorce papers, she says that I showed him X-rated videos. 1308 01:28:07,009 --> 01:28:08,408 Did you? 1309 01:28:09,249 --> 01:28:12,002 I was editing. He might've seen something. 1310 01:28:12,169 --> 01:28:15,127 It's how it looks, John, you know? 1311 01:28:15,489 --> 01:28:18,049 - To the press. - Right. 1312 01:28:20,329 --> 01:28:22,843 You can't give people a chance... 1313 01:28:24,089 --> 01:28:25,602 ...to put you down. 1314 01:28:25,769 --> 01:28:28,363 - You know what I'm saying? - I do. 1315 01:28:29,569 --> 01:28:30,922 You know... 1316 01:28:32,609 --> 01:28:34,600 ...maybe you should go back to radio. 1317 01:28:34,769 --> 01:28:37,522 - You love radio. - You heard radio lately? 1318 01:28:37,809 --> 01:28:40,721 It's attacks on the president of the U.S. Jokes. 1319 01:28:40,889 --> 01:28:43,642 - Yeah. - Filthy jokes. They're very dirty. 1320 01:28:43,809 --> 01:28:48,041 - Rock. It's not my bag. - You know, I'm just trying to help, Bob. 1321 01:28:48,209 --> 01:28:49,722 I'm your friend. 1322 01:28:53,129 --> 01:28:55,518 You're my only friend, John. 1323 01:29:01,849 --> 01:29:03,521 What time is it? 1324 01:29:04,769 --> 01:29:06,566 It's 7:30. 1325 01:29:06,729 --> 01:29:09,766 - We should go. - I gotta change. Where we going? 1326 01:29:10,369 --> 01:29:11,961 Surf or turf? 1327 01:29:12,569 --> 01:29:13,888 Surf... 1328 01:29:14,049 --> 01:29:16,438 ...and turf! Come on! 1329 01:29:17,649 --> 01:29:19,480 Yeah, Big Daddy. 1330 01:29:32,209 --> 01:29:33,801 Carpy? 1331 01:29:48,729 --> 01:29:50,208 John? 1332 01:29:59,409 --> 01:30:00,808 That you? 1333 01:30:09,929 --> 01:30:13,365 Word is, colonel, there's going to be a surprise inspection. 1334 01:30:13,529 --> 01:30:16,919 I don't know about you, but if there's gonna be an inspection... 1335 01:30:17,089 --> 01:30:19,728 ...I got things to hide. 1336 01:30:24,609 --> 01:30:27,248 My God, the building's on fire! 1337 01:30:27,409 --> 01:30:30,367 Look at all those police cars and photographers. 1338 01:30:30,529 --> 01:30:31,803 Photographers? 1339 01:30:31,969 --> 01:30:33,925 Oh, my God, there's the mayor too! 1340 01:30:34,089 --> 01:30:35,761 Is my wife down there? 1341 01:30:35,929 --> 01:30:37,760 What does she look like? 1342 01:30:37,929 --> 01:30:40,045 I don't remember! 1343 01:30:47,169 --> 01:30:50,479 She's a fox. Look at the caboose on her. 1344 01:30:54,009 --> 01:30:55,488 A day without sex... 1345 01:30:55,649 --> 01:30:58,117 ...is a day wasted. - Is a day wasted. Yeah. 1346 01:30:59,769 --> 01:31:01,487 This place is dead. 1347 01:31:01,649 --> 01:31:04,482 Well, we still got time to hit a strip joint. 1348 01:31:05,929 --> 01:31:07,806 Yeah, we need to talk. 1349 01:31:08,609 --> 01:31:10,679 I don't like the sound of that. 1350 01:31:10,849 --> 01:31:14,398 That's what a chick says when she's gonna lower the boom. 1351 01:31:16,769 --> 01:31:18,646 Thinking about getting out. 1352 01:31:20,449 --> 01:31:21,802 Of what? 1353 01:31:23,249 --> 01:31:24,682 Whole scene. 1354 01:31:24,889 --> 01:31:27,323 - Whole what scene? - The dinner theatre. 1355 01:31:27,489 --> 01:31:30,049 - All the rest. - Excuse me. I'm confused. 1356 01:31:30,209 --> 01:31:33,724 The road. The hustling. The broads. The whole thing. 1357 01:31:33,889 --> 01:31:36,608 You mean me. I'm part of the whole thing? 1358 01:31:36,769 --> 01:31:41,445 Well, without the dinner theatre, we'd see each other less. 1359 01:31:41,609 --> 01:31:44,077 I want to restart my career. 1360 01:31:44,809 --> 01:31:46,800 You're kidding, right? 1361 01:31:50,209 --> 01:31:53,042 - Well, what about my equipment? - Good news. 1362 01:31:53,209 --> 01:31:55,803 You can keep it. I'll buy my own. 1363 01:31:55,969 --> 01:31:58,802 You're gonna buy a Betacam, right? 1364 01:31:58,969 --> 01:32:02,279 Nobody needs John Carpenter. You just buy a Betacam. 1365 01:32:02,449 --> 01:32:05,885 Tommy Smothers bought Betacam. Dick Martin. And now you. 1366 01:32:06,049 --> 01:32:08,279 - What about me? - You'll be okay. 1367 01:32:08,449 --> 01:32:12,283 We got a good thing going, Big Daddy. Why ruin it? 1368 01:32:12,449 --> 01:32:14,519 You'll be all right. 1369 01:32:15,289 --> 01:32:17,325 I see. I'm like Anne and Patti. 1370 01:32:17,489 --> 01:32:19,445 You find a better deal, and dump me. 1371 01:32:19,609 --> 01:32:22,362 I'm sick of scoring broads for you, okay? 1372 01:32:23,929 --> 01:32:26,727 There. I said it. 1373 01:32:26,889 --> 01:32:29,528 What am I, a drag? A drag on your career? 1374 01:32:29,689 --> 01:32:33,398 Who's always been there for you? When you were moping? 1375 01:32:33,569 --> 01:32:36,527 "Oh, John, John, nobody wants to hire me!" 1376 01:32:36,689 --> 01:32:38,202 Flying around the country. 1377 01:32:38,369 --> 01:32:40,564 Hauling your shit from the airport. Taking seconds! 1378 01:32:40,729 --> 01:32:44,199 I'm a drag? Well, you're a fucking loser. 1379 01:32:44,369 --> 01:32:46,883 - Bob Crane's a loser! - I ain't a loser! 1380 01:32:47,809 --> 01:32:50,607 Bob Crane ain't a loser. You brought Bob Crane down! 1381 01:32:50,769 --> 01:32:54,239 - Bob Crane is a good guy! - Bob, let's not do this. 1382 01:32:54,409 --> 01:32:55,922 Please. 1383 01:32:56,289 --> 01:32:59,326 John, you're my friend. 1384 01:33:00,369 --> 01:33:01,643 Okay? 1385 01:33:02,609 --> 01:33:05,077 You'll always be my friend. 1386 01:33:08,489 --> 01:33:12,801 Shit. I'm supposed to call Carolyn. About the Jacuzzi party. 1387 01:33:38,529 --> 01:33:40,520 - Hello? - Hey, it's John. 1388 01:33:40,689 --> 01:33:42,407 - How's it going? - All right. 1389 01:33:42,569 --> 01:33:43,638 - You alone? - Yeah. 1390 01:33:43,809 --> 01:33:45,720 You didn't score? 1391 01:33:45,889 --> 01:33:50,121 Man, I'm in my damn shorts. How about you? 1392 01:33:50,689 --> 01:33:55,319 Negative. I had to drive her halfway out to nowhere. 1393 01:33:57,849 --> 01:34:00,568 - What happened? - She said, "No way." 1394 01:34:00,729 --> 01:34:02,401 Well, what do you mean? 1395 01:34:02,569 --> 01:34:04,958 She wouldn't let me come to her place. 1396 01:34:05,129 --> 01:34:07,006 She wouldn't come to my place. 1397 01:34:07,169 --> 01:34:10,844 - Boy, I don't need that. - Christ! 1398 01:34:12,729 --> 01:34:14,082 Bob? 1399 01:34:16,209 --> 01:34:19,599 You know, I was thinking... 1400 01:34:19,769 --> 01:34:21,248 You know... 1401 01:34:22,729 --> 01:34:26,688 ...if I said anything earlier tonight that... 1402 01:34:26,849 --> 01:34:30,444 - Don't worry about it. - Well, you know, I... 1403 01:34:32,729 --> 01:34:35,038 - Did you think about it? - What's that? 1404 01:34:35,209 --> 01:34:37,200 You know. What we talked about. 1405 01:34:39,409 --> 01:34:42,799 You know, what we talked about. 1406 01:34:42,969 --> 01:34:45,403 Yeah, I need to take a break. 1407 01:34:45,569 --> 01:34:49,482 I just, you know, this thing with Patti. All of it. 1408 01:34:49,649 --> 01:34:52,880 I need a break. I need a break, I need a break. 1409 01:34:55,329 --> 01:34:57,160 You know, I'm sorry. 1410 01:34:57,329 --> 01:34:59,320 You'll change your mind. 1411 01:34:59,729 --> 01:35:02,038 I'll change my mind? Are you deaf? 1412 01:35:03,529 --> 01:35:05,520 What the fuck's wrong with you? 1413 01:35:05,689 --> 01:35:07,964 Kaput. All right? 1414 01:35:08,729 --> 01:35:11,687 We're still friends, right? 1415 01:35:12,969 --> 01:35:15,164 You need a ride tomorrow to the airport? 1416 01:35:15,329 --> 01:35:17,285 I got a luncheon at noon. 1417 01:35:19,649 --> 01:35:21,560 - John? - Don't bother. 1418 01:35:21,729 --> 01:35:24,846 - Just don't fucking bother. - Okay. 1419 01:35:25,009 --> 01:35:27,603 Don't get all worked up. I gotta get some sleep. 1420 01:35:27,809 --> 01:35:31,643 - Bob? - I'll give you a call sometime, Carpy. 1421 01:36:58,609 --> 01:37:03,046 The investigation was not well handled. 1422 01:37:04,449 --> 01:37:07,168 Scottsdale was a small town back then. 1423 01:37:07,329 --> 01:37:10,241 They suspected Carpy, but didn't prosecute. 1424 01:37:10,409 --> 01:37:13,003 Not a solid case, they said. 1425 01:37:13,569 --> 01:37:15,924 This was before DNA. 1426 01:37:16,089 --> 01:37:20,207 Fourteen years later, a new district attorney brought him up for trial. 1427 01:37:20,369 --> 01:37:23,088 John told them, "He was my friend. 1428 01:37:23,249 --> 01:37:25,240 Why would I kill him?" 1429 01:37:25,689 --> 01:37:28,761 Evidence had been lost, memories faded. 1430 01:37:28,929 --> 01:37:30,203 He was acquitted. 1431 01:37:30,369 --> 01:37:33,327 Four years later, he died of a heart attack. 1432 01:37:34,169 --> 01:37:36,205 I can't blame him. 1433 01:37:36,369 --> 01:37:39,202 He was a cool guy, in his way. 1434 01:37:40,289 --> 01:37:42,245 That's how it is. 1435 01:37:42,409 --> 01:37:45,207 Men gotta have fun.